Hello 

New to this forum.

I lost my husband on July 4th to aggressive Metastatic cancer of Appendix.

I cared for him at home for last 9 months of his life the end was horrendous for him.I miss him so badly he was my world we been together 17 years.

I just keep thinking it's a nightmare and I will wake up and he will be standing in front of me,or dancing me around the kitchen like he use to.

All this started in 2014 when a tumor had grown and burst his Appendix.hugh operation and heated chemo.every year he would have scan and blood tests up until 2019 when he was told he had the all clear,we had a hugh party celebrating Then August  2020 he had a little back ache after blood tests, shown Markers had moved. Had a scan end September, October results he was riddled with cancer every bone in his body lungs and liver.told he wouldn't be here at Christmas,but my husband was a fighter he cycled everyday to keep fit and strong.he did have up and downs over the months some really bad times.he loved life he loved me he loved everyone,most caring sincer person I know.

Now I am just so so lost,feel so hallow massive void in my life.my best friend,soul mate has gone.

Majority of friends have fallen off the face of the earth,my husband missed his 60th by 6 weeks so had a lovely celebration for him Ballon release not seen majority of friends since then.And friends I do see all I here is he would want you to move on,get on with your life how can I he is not here.

All I think about is my husband day and night praying for him to come home,how can somebody so good be taken it is so unfair.

I know people out there like me feeling so lost grieving we all deal in our own way but this is hardest thing ever,totally broken.x