My mum was disgnosed with lung cancer earlier this year, she was told this would be treatable. She later started 12 days of radiotherapy and 2 weeks later took unwell. After fighting to get her admitted to hospital I was called and told my mum was now palliative care and the cancer had spread to her brain. I feel as though ive been left with no explanation why this has happened i brought my mum home to mine and her family home where i cared for her until she died in August, i washed and dressed her the morning of her death prior to the undertakers arriving.  Me and my mum had such a close relationship i have a diagnosis of bpd and my mum was my rock throughout, its always just been me and her since my brother died in 2008 we had a bond like no other. Since her death ive been told im losing the home ive grown up in, have had to take more time off work, cant concentrate on university and going through a relationship breakdown. I dont know how much one person can cope with in the one year and i dont know how i can cope without my mum. I feel as though i need an explanation why this has happened to her or how to even get through this when i really dont want to. Im 25 and know my mum wouldn't want this for me but dont know how to bring myself out of it.