My dad passed away last month, after fighting cancer for 5 years.  My mum was in total denial through his illness, I went to every appointment, chemo, test with him.  
I cried so much at the beginning.  Then last year they told dad he could no longer be treated... this was a man, that continued to go to the allotment, go on holiday, and this was it. He was told he had months.. but he last another year.  The last year, he lost confidence, lost so much weight, was frail, scared, he wasn't like my dad anymore.  He was then bed ridden... this was hard to see, mum struggled, we had to get nurses in to help 3 times a day.  He got weaker, I visited him everyday, it was so painful to see him like this.  Then he lost his fight.  I felt relieve for him and my family.  I hadn't cried since... which is so odd, I was so close to him.  We holidayed every year, alway out for meals, BBQ's in my garden.... I was there every step of the way... I now look after mum... I see her everyday.... she's struggling so much, but I need to be there for her.  I don't feel normal not crying, I'm sure other family members think I am odd.... I think about him all the time... the happy times.. then I remember the frail, pale sick man... to me it's n/to my dad.  Am I normal?  What is wrong with me?