Hi,

I lost my mum on Saturday morning after what seems to be be a very short battle with cancer. She was diagnosed on 1st October 2021 with stage 4 secondary liver cancer. They had no idea where the primary source was. That Friday we were all told she was so upbeat and ready for fighting as much as she could so she could be at my upcoming wedding on 6th November. The following week she started to deteriorate, she stopped answering texts and calls. 
 

On Tuesday I had my final dress fitting, such a bittersweet time. I went to visit mum after my appointment and knew there and then she was dying. The hospital hadn't told us that this was happening no honest conversation. I'm angry with them for not being honest with us. I was so upset at the sight of mum it killed me! This was the last time I saw her. I couldn't bring myself to be there in her last moments. Now I worry she thinks I didn't love her enough.

Since Saturday I haven't cried much. For 5 weeks of mum being in hospital I cried every day worried about the what ifs. Those what ifs happened and I've shed very few tears. 

will it all come out in my wedding day or have I accepted this and moved along the grief ladder while mum was still alive?

thanks for letting me vent