RSxo

Hi RSxo. I just read your post  and had to reach out to you  I'm so sorry that you lost your mum at 27years of age,I know how hard that must be only to well. My only advice to you is grief  does bring with it so many questions, that we may  never have answers to.,so much pain and overbearing sorrow, each of us who go through  it handle it in different ways, some can't even talk about it ,or how they are feeling  which isn't good ,but I also understand that too. 

You have done the right thing by posting on here,reaching out for some help or anything that can help you move forward and help you with your grief. 

Don't beat yourself up for having all those feeling's  or questions as to how long your mum had had her bowel cancer, your mum may have had it a while, and just put it down to symptoms of its an ,upset stomach,or  constipation, or lose stools from time to time ,maybe your mum had hemeroids,and if she had a bit of blood now and again,she may have put it down to the hemeroids,you can get internal hemeroids as well as external.  Your mum may have not even known she had cancer,as I'm sure if she thought anything was wrong, she would of gone to her gp sooner . And anything to do with the bowels is an embarrassing problem.  I know this as I has ulcerative colitis aged 18,I'm now 64.But I've had internal and external hemeroids as well as 39 colonoscopy on the bowel, and I had a right side  bowel resection in 2015,as I had a flat sessile polyp that contained cancer cells. 

So try not to get angry with your mum,I can understand why you are feeling this way,but try to take each day at a time,grief unfortunately never goes away,you just learn to live with it,and it will resurface on any given day, you might hear a sing your mum loved, anything can trigger a memory.  But belive me when I say you are stronger than you think,given time things will start to improve for you ,it realy will. You still have so much of your life to live,and your mum would not want to see her girl who she loved so very much in bits. I'm very spiritual and do believe, that there is life after death,I believe the spirit lives on,and im.sure your mum is with you. Some signs to look for are, bulbs blowing,flickering lights, hearing a song that reminds you if your loved one, white feathers,pennies in random places, Robin's, there are so many. I do hope God comforts you and helps you through this awful time,and I hope you stay strong and remember the love and Happy times that you and your mum were able to share with each other, some people are not lucky enough in life  to have that special bond you two had. Treasure it,hold onto it,and know your mum is not suffering any more.

I'm always popping on here from time to time,so if you ever feel the need to talk  I'm here .xxxx.