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Struggling with brother's death

Nutty
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My brother passed in August 2019 from tonsil cancer which then spread to his lungs and I was there with him at the end and saw him take his final breath. His death was the first death that I had witnessed but not the first death I had experienced. I have already lost my parents and had seen both their bodies at funeral parlour. I am haunted at night by my brother's death and have now been diagnosed with insomnia. I cannot shut my eyes without the image appearing in my mind. I have tried sleeping medicine which worked initially but now have no effect at all. Has anyone experienced similar to me and can give some advice or ideas on how to move forward? I feel stuck in limbo and unable to live my life as normal as my thoughts are erratic and I'm so so tired. 

 

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    Hi Nutty,

    A very warm welcome to our forum.

    I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. Being with someone at the end is always hard, but especially when it is for the first time.It can be difficult to erradicate those final memories and remember happier times. It sounds as if you are really struggling. Have you thought of seeing a counsellor? This can be a big help. They might also be able to suggest some coping strategies. Have a word with your GP and see if s/he can refer you.

    Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on.We are always here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

  • Offline in reply to Jolamine

    Hi 

    Thank you for replying. I did mention my grief when I briefly spoke to Doctor a couple of weeks ago and he never really acknowledged what I said,  he just prescribed sleeping tablets. (Which do not work as I'm still awake at 3.09am) I will try again to speak to my doctor again but it's proving difficult to actually see him in person they are still only operating on telephone consultations unless the doctor actually asks you to attend surgery once you have had a phone consultation.

     

    Thanks again

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    Hi,

    Next time you speak to him ask about grief counselling, as it sounds as if you need to actually speak to someone about this. Tell him that the sleeping tablets are not working and that you are really struggling.

    I do hope that he can help this time.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

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    So sorry to hear of your brother and the long term effects it has had on you. I lost my dad to lung cancer in 2019 and I too suffer from insomnia due to flash backs. I think of him and the experience all the time. I agree, counciling may help, though I haven't tried it myself. I have been on a series of medication, some of which is only safe to use for a short term. However, some antihistamines have sedative effects which helps me in the occasion. I don't think they are recommended to be taken daily, but it is worth a try taking occasionally and perhaps running that option by your gp. Other stronger prescription options which could be effective is Mirtazapine.  I wish you all the best. 

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