Hi everyone, first time poster here.

My mum has been battling cancer for the past 5 years and I have struggled to deal with it. I have pretty much dealt with everything on my own or with my very close friends and my dad and brother.

My mum sadly lost her battle to cancer in the early hours of yestersay morning whilst holding my hand to her very last breath.

I am still struggling to come to terms with this as it still doesn't feel real.

I have a partner that I have been seeing for 3 months and only made it official 3 weeks ago. She has met my mum twice I think (before she got really poorly this last couple of weeks where I have moved back to mums and been by her side 24/7)

My girlfriend has been saying she feels like I'm pushing her away but I find it really hard to open up to her because I've dealt with everything by myself for years.

She has assumed she is coming to the funeral because all she wants to do is be there for me but I really don't know how to cope with the loss of my Mum and I don't know how I feel about her attending the funeral when she didn't know my mum very well. It's going to be a very hard time for me and I just want to be there for my Dad and Brother and don't want to her to see that emotional side of me.

She has said that she doesn't think it's right if she doesn't attend the funeral but I don't know how I feel if I want her there. I want my close friends who knew my mum really well and have memories with her.

Is this me being unreasonable? I guess I probably am pushing her away not intentionally but grief is an awful thing. I'm only 29 and this is my first serious relationship.

Sorry for the long post but I don't want to be made out to be a bad person when this is such a tough time for me.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post.