Hi, I lost my Mum to suspected bowel cancer at the end of August. She had been in hospital for 56 days. She was tiny, just skin and bones. We had no idea she had cancer, until she was admitted by ambulance and they ruled everything else out. For a few weeks before, she was having hallucinations and eating less and less. She was so stubborn about everything. It was terrifying. 

We ended up having to phone an ambulance. She told me I have betrayed her, which broke my heart. Then I wasn't allowed to be by her side due to covid. I felt like I had let her down by not being with her. I was always with her, helping her with everything and protecting her. 

Also, through all this. We have been caring for her little brother who has severe learning disabilities and is also stage 4 bowel cancer. He is having palliative care also. 

Anyway Mum died in the early hours of the morning and we had to come in after a call that her breathing had changed. About 2 hours later she went, with us all around her holding her hand. 

It wasn't what I expected. The last moment, her face changed and became a grimace. It was awful. I can still see it now.

Her funeral is on Monday 20th September and I'm terrified. I don't know if I can imagine life without her. She was my world and my best friend. We protected each other every day and loved each other more than anything. 

She never thought she would die of the same type of illness her little brother is dying of. Its so cruel. 

Sorry to ramble a lot. I just don't have anyone to talk to, apart from my family. Seeing my Uncle go through the same process is terrible, plus I'm now terrified of everyone around me dying  

Reading everyone's stories here has been very helpful xx