Hello everyone, I'm new to the site as I've been struggling recently with missing my Nan and decided I'd make an account because I feel as if this is the best place to speak about it.

My Nan was diagnosed with early stage bowel cancer in January 2020. All of my life she has been fit as a fiddle, vegetarian, not a smoker nor heavy drinker, very active. We all honestly thought she would see 100. She had her tumours removed in the summer of 2020 in a 9 hour long operation and was recovering slowly but making progress afterwards and really, well I thought she was going to be fine as well as the rest of the family. It was successful and she was on the road to recovery. For a few months it was just like that, until January this year when she told us she had been told her cancer had spread and it was terminal. For me this was the biggest shock and really I feel like It makes even less sense now six months later. She passed away two months later, the day after Mother's Day where we all saw her and got together for the last time. I'm only 17 and haven't really lost many family members. I only have one other grandparent now, and only grew up with him and my nanny. My nan's husband (my grandad) passed away from lymphoma at 30 years old so cancer has always been a sensitive subject, and I've lost a few other family members to it but none I was as close with as her. I'm now just trying to work my way through the grief, which is getting better but hits me hard every few weeks and I just cry and cry and cry! It's so strange someone being here one moment and being gone the next and this year has shown me truly how awful of a disease cancer is. I'm just wondering if anyone has been through something similar and would like to chat as it's still quite raw for me to speak to my family about. I miss her everyday and honestly wonder if it'll ever feel real. It's six months today and I long for when she was still here and feel as if her passing has left a weird empty hole in my life, like a period of time or a place I miss so much but can never go back to. Her house was like a second home to me, coming from the city up to the countryside to visit her and the rest of my family every couple months was one of my favourite things to do and now her beautiful house and garden are gone too, and I feel so much nostalgia remembering the place in my life it used to be. This has been a long post but I needed to get it all out so if you've gotten this far thank you for taking the time to read and sending my support to anyone out there missing somebody too or struggling with this awful disease.