Not sure we're to start but here goes
10 months ago I lost my mum to kidney cancer aged 54..I literally had 6 weeks from her being diagnosed till she passed..I was there till she took her last breath..I was slowly starting to get the images out my mind and got to the point were I was only crying 3 days a week rather than everyday all day..
2 months ago I lost my great nanna...aged 96 and it hurt alot but nothing compared to my mum.
2 weeks ago my nan (my mums mum ) told me her cancer had returned and was going in for an other operation.. she caught covid from the hospital at the pre op..and was rushed in a few days later and put on life support..4 days ago she passed away with me by her side...apparently she told the doctors she wanted the mask off and so they rang me and got me in..the mask was removed and she quickly went..but during this she shouted at my grandad...she was quite agitated and asked what was happening as couldn't breath..it broke my heart..I thought she new what was happening???? That she was going to die ?? That this was what she wanted??? Why did she ask this ??? Then she told me she loved me...then said she couldn't see...I calmed her down and gently stroked her and held her hand...5 minutes later she fell asleep..it was the exact same time of day that my mum also fell asleep...
Now I can't get this out my mind...she was scared..but it was like I helped her die by agreeing to take her off the ventilator and I watched her struggle to get her breath...
Absolutely heartbroken..I no the cancer probably would of took over eventually but I didn't expect this so soon and fast...
How do I get over this
X
