Hello RSxo, 

I am so sorry for your loss. Dealing with grief is such a complex process and the emotions involved can be overwhelming and even confusing at times. It is normal and completely understandable that four months on, you still feel in limbo and feel this overwhelming pain at the same time. 

I know it's really hard when you feel you have reached such a low point but try and keep strong. It is important that you get out of bed, eat well, sleep and slowly get back to a routine. This can feel impossible for you at the moment and the less you eat or sleep properly the worse you might feel and it could quickly become a vicious cycle. It's completely normal after everything you've been through to feel you have zero motivation but there is help at hand to help you get better and feel better. So tomorrow morning, I would suggest you pick up the phone and talk to your GP about how you have been feeling recently and how you need help to feel more motivated again. Your doctor might suggest grief counselling for example or might have other suggestions for you but the important thing is that you make this initial step to seek help and talk to your doctor about this.

You are only 27 as you said and have your whole life ahead of you, so many beautiful things to learn and discover and even though, understandably, all you can think about at the moment is  what happened to your mum, try and focus on the fact that she would want more than anything for you to be happy at the moment and she is always there with you in your heart. I hope that you can manage to slowly start getting up in the morning and making the most of every day if you can, even through small pleasures like watching your favourite TV show or reading a book, having a nice meal. I know all this seems really hard to achieve at the moment but with time and with the right help and support you will slowly start to rebuild your life. So do get in touch with your GP it's important that you talk about this. If at any point you feel really down and need to talk to someone, there is also the Samaritans helpline which is open every single day 24h a day.  They are there to listen if you feel you want to talk to someone at any time of day or night. 

Keep strong RSxo - I just wanted you to know we are all here for you anytime you need to offload. So many members of our forum will have lost a loved one recently and they will know exactly how you are feeling and what you are going through at the moment. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator