Hi, 

My mum passed away 4 weeks ago tonight, I miss her so much.  I need to be strong for everyone, as I am the oldest of 4, but inside I'm dying.   My dad is 64 and has dementia and it was down to me to tell him my mum had died,  he was unable to be by her bedside as she died, ( after less than a day in hospital, it was soo sudden)  thankfully I held her hand as she passed, but I'm devasted my dad never got the chance to say goodbye, 

when he heard the news, he grieved for 15 minutes then forgot, so to save him breaking and grieving for the first time over and over again, I decided that instead of constantly  telling him, we would say she's out shopping or at an appointment..   it's breaking me inside, every time he asks where she is,  myself and my sister are caring for him and visiting him 5/6 times every day,,  he shouts for her constantly  and looks for her at bedtime to kiss her goodnight .. 

I've had to take the decision to not have him at the funeral as he is soo frail, as  I know I would be burying soon after,  he would not cope hearing such devastating news over and over again,  they we're together 42 years,  

I've even had to collect my mums ashes and sneak them back into their house as she wanted to always be with my dad,,   I'm trying soo hard to be strong, but I'm struggling soo much,

I just need to know this pain gets easier