Today was my Nan's funeral. She passed the day after my birthday. Since that day I've struggled to accept she has gone. I visited her at the chapel of rest and it all felt surreal.I helped carry her coffin to her resting place and also read a letter aloud which I had written with intention to read to her at the hospice but I never got the chance. I thought today would help bring some kind of closure but instead I feel an enormous amount of numbness and I'm still struggling to accept she's not here now. It feels more raw than ever now that the funeral is over. 
She was diagnosed with cancer just over 2 years ago. The doctors could never determine what cancer it was, she was a unique case. It could only be monitored through blood tests. They gave her 3 months to live if she didn't want treatment. She accepted chemotherapy and it controlled the cancerous cells in her bloodstream and helped give her those two years. Her body coped with it so well and you would of never of thought she had cancer. It wasn't until near the end where she felt pain in her head and she had numbness down her face that they did a scan and saw that tumours had appeared on her brain. By then she was too weak for radiotherapy to be considered and she slipped away peacefully. The thing that always upset her was that she knew she would die not knowing what cancer she had. After the post mortem, they determined that the cancer was peritoneal cancer. A very rare case which is very hard to diagnose at early stage. 
I guess what I want to get from this is people to talk to. I have family and a loving husband and 1 year old son. I just feel very alone still and struggling to know that she's not there anymore.