Life is so painful and empty since losing my Mum

I lost my Mum just over 6 months ago. She was getting some back pains but we didn’t really think it was that serious until the doctor diagnosed her with pancreatic cancer.  I was with her when she was diagnosed, I held her and we cried. It felt so unreal. We thought we would have more time but she died a few weeks later. I still can’t believe it, I keep replaying the last few weeks in my mind. Cancer is such a cruel illness and it was incredibly hard to see someone I loved so much going through what she did.

Mum was more than just a Mum, she was my best friend and a “kindred spirit.” She was probably the only person who I felt I could really be myself with and that I was “enough.” Since losing her, it’s really affected my self esteem and many times at night I wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up again. Many days I just don’t want to be here, there feels no point. I just feel so utterly alone. At times I struggle with feelings of self harm. I’ve always liked myself but at times lately I feel a hatred towards myself and I’ve no idea why. I feel ashamed to feel like this when so many people are going through much more difficult things in their lives. 

I don’t really have anyone to talk to about these things and I keep it to myself. Everyone thinks I’m brave and coping well, they have no idea how I’m feeling inside. 

I know if you’re reading this, you probably have your own story of losing someone very precious to you.  Thank you for taking the time to read mine. Trusting for brighter days ahead for us all.

  • Hi [@PinkPineapple]‍ 

    My Bereavement counselling was all on the phone and the sessions were 1 hour once a week. You say you are a private person and not sure if you could open up to a stranger, but you might actually surprise yourself. I dreaded my sessions to begin with and the first few were incredibly hard, but as the sessions went on, I found myself crying less and less. The counsellors are trained experts and quite a lot of work goes on behind the scenes to match your personal situation to a counsellor who can help.

    I still miss my mum a lot, but there is no doubt that I would be in a far worse place now had I not had that counselling. I have a few friends who also lost their parents to cancer and they both told me the same thing - they wish they had had the opportunity to take counselling when their parents died.

    In general, friends no matter how close, have no idea how to talk to us about grief unless they have been through a similar experience.

    Seeking out help and admitting you need help is a positive thing and I wish you luck.

  • Hi [@Justme774]‍ 

    Unfortunately, the world does carry on as normal and that is part of life. I think you coming on this website is a positive thing because it is a sign that you are looking for help - we all need help during traumatic times. It took me a while to find these threads, but I found that reading other experiences specifically related to pancreatic cancer helped me to realize I wasn't alone. Also, my counselling experience gave me a platform to want to help other people because there are so many people 'hurting' and if I can share any positivity from my own experience, that can only be a good thing.

    Sending love,

     

    Dan