Hi,

My heart goes out to you for the loss of your mum. I am currently caring for my mom, who is being treated for end-stage kidney failure. Not cancer, but still a dehibilitating condition (she's 86). She lives with me so I go through ups and downs a little bit of preemptive grieving but I know I will not be prepared when it happens.  Anyway, my Dad has  passed away in 2011 and I talk to him still. I actually talk to the deceased at funerals (not loudly, of course) and it makes me feel better, escpecially if I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to them.  The pain doesn't ever go away but will subside and then come back with a vengeance and then subside again. Keep talking to your mum, it is ok. Maybe go to counseling or find a grief group, it might help. And, we're here for you!

Laura xx

It's very hard I cared for my mum Until it was too much for her and she had to go into the hospice , it's very hard so I understand how you feel there . My mum was just 63, I lost my dad when he was 38, I was 11 .. mum became mum and dad I now feel So alone I'm only 40 now. My doc and the hospice say it's too early for counciling but they are keeping in touch with me. They say what I'm feeling is normal who knows. Thank you for replying xx

HI [@lappy2301]‍ 

Firstly, I am sorry to hear about your loss. My mum died in March after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in February. I am very surprised that your GP and the hospice say it is too early for counselling. In my opinion, bereavement counselling is something that cannot wait, especially if you feel you have no one to talk to.

When my mum got sick, I took care of her and watched her deteriorate very quickly, it was just awful, and it affected me deeply. I started a 6-week course of bereavement counselling about a month after my mum died, and boy did I need it - it quite literally saved my life.

If your GP is not being helpful, I would absolutely get in touch with https://www.cruse.org.uk/ or a similar organisation for an initial assessment.

I am Sorry to hear about your mum and how quickly she was taken . In a way that is a blessing ( I know it doesn't seem that ) but my dad died suddenly and I always wished I'd got to say bye but after watching my poor mum suffer for 27 months from diagnosis I'd happily take the quick option. I have spoken to the gp again today and she said it's still too early it's been 6 weeks I don't know what length of time they want me to wait . Im Not suicidal or anything I'm a strong person and maybe I'm coming across stronger than I am? I will defo get in touch with them . My mum had a really horrible last week and I can't unsee / unhear it and it feels like I have some kind of ptsd from it as I can't remember anything before that ie all the good times so I agree the sooner I speak with someone the better. thank you xx

Hi [@lappy2301]‍ 

Yeah, it must have been very hard for you to see the cancer eat away at your mum for such a long time, I can't even imagine it.  I wasn't suicidal either (admittedly I exaggerated with the word 'literally'), and I thought I was a strong person. But I realized after a month of crying every day that I did need help and as soon as I reached out to a bereavement service, they recognized this and set up counselling within a fortnight. I continued to cry every day for about another 2 months, but the counselling helped tremendously in helping to confront my grief, and I'm doing much better now - even if I still miss mum tremendously.

The memories of mum sick in hospital are now starting to fade, and I hope they will for you too in time.

[@Amyv]‍ [@lappy2301]‍ I'm so sorry that you have lost both your parents at a young age. I'm 32, my Dad died when I was 15 and I lost my Mum to lung cancer 2 months ago today. Nothing will ever prepare you for how alone you feel when you're young and having to navigate the rest of your life without your parents guidance. It's an isolating feeling as it's likely none of your friends have gone through it; none of mine have.

Sending you both strength xxx