My Grandma died on Monday morning. I was going to stay the night before, but it got late and I was just really tired. I got the nurse to check her over before I left. He said that although not good he didn't feel she was going to die. So I went. And now I can't stop feeling bad about it. 

I got a call the morning after that I had to get there. But the traffic and every light was against me. I was there too late. She wasn't alone. A carer held her hand. 

I don't know how to stop feeling bad and I feel so guilty and disappointed with myself. I loved this woman with every inch of me but I left when she needed me the most. I think she spent her last night on earth feeling abandoned and scared. I never saw her again even though I really believed I would. I really thought we would have Monday. She was awake at points the night before and I gave her water. I'm just devastated really. Even though for weeks I knew it was coming it was a shock and I feel I completely took her for granted. She deserved so much better.