Grief and Time

Hi,

I haven't posted on here in a while. My dad died in December - so it's been just over seven months and I can see and feel how people are moving on and losing interest. I do feel as though i'm out of the 'initial shock' but sometimes it hits me all over again. All I can think about at the moment is that time will keep passing by without him here. I'm going to Oxford uni in September and dad won't be there and the people I meet won't have met him or understand how much it still affects me each day. 

I don't think it will get easier over time but it's definitely changed a lot over these past few months. Sometimes i'm scared about forgetting him or his voice and when I think about how he suffered and how unfair it is I can't stand it. I've never really been friends with people my age (19) because I get on with people a few years older mostly, and i'm nervous to go to uni with teenagers who (mostly) have their parents, who didn't do the interviews all by themselves a few days after their dad died, and who probably won't be very interested because they don't know me or my dad and how much it hurts rhat I can't have him here. I know these are quite specific things and i'm ranting but i'm scared about how time is going and what this means for our grief.

  • Hi [@nancyelizabeth]‍ 

    I'm so sorry for the loss of your Dad at such a young age.

    I lost my Dad when I was a few years younger than you (15) and didn't process it fully at the time. I just buried myself with school work and didn't talk about it with anyone. It wasn't until I was your age and going to uni that I started to process the magnitude of losing my Dad, as I had gone for years avoiding talking to anyone, even my Mum, about it. 

    When I got to uni, everyone I met would ask me questions about my family and from years of practice, I would avoid talking about my Dad. Like you, I thought no one would care or I'd make them feel awkward by talking about death. It took me a while to open up to people but when I did it felt like a massive weight had been lifted. Trust me, the right people WILL care and they will want to hear all about your lovely Dad. The people I opened up to at uni are still some of my closest friends 14 years later. And if anyone isn't interested in hearing about your Dad, well then they aren't your people.

    This has been a long winded way of saying not to bottle anything up. It's important to talk about your Dad to keep his memory alive and for your grieving process. Also, try not to be scared of forgetting him; he made you and as you get older, you'll find a lot of the qualities you have you got from your Dad and that will help you remember him and carry him with you every day.

    Take care of yourself,

    J xxx