My mom died about a year and a half ago. She had Bowel cancer and after being told she had about a year left to live, she fought for 7 months and sadly we had to say goodbye. 
my mom was my everything. We did everything together, we loved the same movies and tv shows and always had movie nights and loved going out for coffee together. We loved going for walks and going on drives and even when she was poorly we tried to do as many of our favourite things together as we could- almost as if to continue as normal and not let the cancer rule every part of our life. 
Our house was never empty. It was the house where all friends and family would meet and come together and we had so many lovely moments in our house over the years. When she was poorly this only continued and the house was so full and so lively and so happy and full of love. 
 

But since she died things just haven't been the same. People don't come to visit anymore. The phone doesn't ring. People don't come round for a coffee. (Before or since the pandemic). 
I feel like my family have become distant. To the point where I don't get invited to peoples houses anymore or to go out for coffees or meals. Even when I ask them to come over or I ask to go to theirs there's always an excuse for why they can't. 
I broke up with my partner of six years just after my mom died and lost a lot of friends along with that as they were friends of his or his family members who I had befriended who obviously stayed on his "side" and left me to it. 
My own friends don't really bother with me anymore. I only see them if I ask them to come over or I ask them to do things. I feel like they never really invite me to do things. And a lot of the time they cancel plans. I don't have a lot of friends so it hurts when the friends I do have just don't make the effort anymore. 
my closest family members- as in those who I speak to the most- live in the states (I'm in the UK) so although we talk a lot I can't see them or spend time with them. 
I do have a new partner but he lives in a different town so we only see each other on our days off from work. 
 

so all in all I just feel really alone. 
I don't have my mom anymore and I'm still struggling through grief and I just feel like my friends and family distancing themselves just makes it all the more harder. I honestly feel like I've changed as a person since mom died. I don't laugh as much as I used to. And I will happily sit in silence because I just don't have a lot to say anymore. I feel a bit lifeless. And I feel like my friends are just bored of this now and don't know what to do or how to be around me. But I'm just so lonely. And I don't know what to do anymore. 
I guess I don't really have a question- just needed somehwere to rant and for someone somewhere to hear me. Just once.