My beautiful mum is gone

Hi all . I am on here I guess to share my story . My mum was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer 27 months ago. Mum has really struggled over the past year spending most of the time In the hospice .  Mum was also suffering with copd and fibrosis of the lungs then got covid. She was amazing she kept fighting , doctors were amazed by her . I was told 6 times in the past year it was time but she kept probing them Wrong. Last week things got so hard for her she was asking me and the doctor when will this all end at this point the doc advised to make her a bit more sleepy to ease the pain / suffering of gasping for each breath . We both agreed this was best . In my mind they would sedate her and she would gradually pass away peacefully but this was not to happen . Mum faught the sedation and it was like a scene from a horror for days she would wake so anxious asking me to help her . This was so traumatic for mum, and for me to watch. They gave her injection after injection a total of 170 over 3 days . They eventually topped up the sedation which allowed her to be asleep all of the time . Mum continued to struggle for a further day and a half and finally on Sunday morning 30 may 2021 she took her last breath at 07:35am . My heart is broken she was not only my mum but my best friend. Why did she need to suffer so bad in the end ? Nothing can ever prepare you for losing your mum let alone seeing everything go on so long and feel So wrong.  I need to make the funeral arrangements today my head is all over the place . I am struggling obviously losing my mum but the way she died will haunt me forever . Xx 

  • Firstly, I’m so sorry to read your post and hear that you’ve lost your Mum, you’ll be feeling all sorts of emotions right now and I guess my advice would be to go with it and expect nothing of yourself during this really rough time. 

    My Mum suffered from a horrible form of lung cancer (Mesothelioma) so I’m guessing we both endured a similar agony at the end.. I insisted on being at Mums bedside for her time in the hospice and the pain she was in and the suffering she endured will stay with me forever… I remember on one of her last nights, she was writhing around her bed and both the lovely nurse and I were trying to settle her.. I grabbed the nurse from across the bed and literally begged her to tell me if my Mum was close to being free of such torture! I also remember feeling such relief when she took her last breath because of what she’d endured but then so guilty for feeling that about my own Mum.

     

    The truth is, I think about Mum all day every day, and you will too, but please take comfort in that the pain eases and the beautiful happy memories do take centre stage in your mind. 

     

    Everything is very raw for you right now and you’ve got the funeral along with the weirdest few weeks of your life to get through.. you must expect nothing of yourself during this time and allow for your mind to heal after what you’ve just been through.. 

     

    Reaching out on here is so brave and just shows the strong lady your lovely Mum has raised you to be! 

     

    Take care of yourself and thanks for sharing your story.. I wish I’d been as brave at the time! 

     

    Xxx

  • I'm so sorry for your loss. My beautiful mum is gone too. She was diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer on February 12th. 3 months and 19 days later at 1.15 on bank holiday Monday she left us. I can't imagine ever being ok with it. I miss her like crazy and it's been two days. The worst thing was, she said the day before that she thought it would be more peaceful. It haunts me to think she wasn't at peace. They sedated her but she was twitching a bit and calling out a few hours before the end, I can't bear to think she was in pain. And at the end my sister tried to call her back in a bit of a panic but it was me who said no, let her go, but now I keep wondering if I could have done more. Also I saw her die and it was really quite good at the time, I felt like I saw her soul leave but now rather than anything good I just keep remembering what her dead face looked like. I think I'm quite traumatised. 3 months was not enough time to get used to the idea of losing her. I'm just so sad all of the time. I hate cancer so much.

  •  

    a week down the line we have had the funeral and I feel so alone . The funeral was hard but went as well as it could go with covid n all but she still deserved a better send off .
     

    I have no partner or kids . I have some family and friends but they all go back to their own lives. My mum was my life I'm so lost . 
     

    thank you for both replying to me sounds like we have all been through the mill watching our mothers at the end . 
     

    take care xxx

  • HI,

    My mum died of Pancreatic cancer about 2.5 months ago after only being diagnosed 5 weeks before that. It is a terrible thing to go through and heart-breaking to see it happen and to then be alone. After my mum died, I was all alone - my brother went back to Spain and I have no family of my own and most friends tended to be helpful but shy away from talking about death.

    About a month after my mum's death, I decided that I could no longer go on with holding all the emotions inside, and so I reached out to my employers who put me in touch with a bereavement counselling service which has helped tremendously. My point is that you should not be in this feeling completely alone - if you are lost and struggling, ask your GP for help or check out cruse.org.uk.

    Take care