Hello Maverick77, 

I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like those final hours of your mum's life have left a deep mark and that it is really hard for you to forget what happened. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. Guilt can be one of the feelings that is commonly experienced as part of the grieving process as you can see on this page. It often involves going over in your mind things you would have liked to say or do before your mum died. So try not to dwell on this feeling as there is really nothing you have done that was wrong. It's normal in hindsight that you feel you would have liked to be there at that precise moment, but you could never have guessed this would happen and you needed to go home at that point for a shower and your medication. I am sure your mum appreciated you being by her side when she called you and that you spent all these hours with her.

If you feel you are constantly replaying this in your mind and it is making you feel really down, do speak to your GP about this who I am sure will be able to support you and point you in the right direction during this difficult time. There are things available like grief counselling which might help. 

We're thinking of you during this difficult time. Rest assured you are not alone. So many on the forum will have experienced these feeling of guilt and I am sure they will be along shortly to share their story with you. I hope you won't mind - I have added a few words to your title to make it more specific and to attract more relevant replies to your thread. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hello Maverick77, 

I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like those final hours of your mum's life have left a deep mark and that it is really hard for you to forget what happened. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. Guilt can be one of the feelings that is commonly experienced as part of the grieving process as you can see on this page. It often involves going over in your mind things you would have liked to say or do before your mum died. So try not to dwell on this feeling as there is really nothing you have done that was wrong. It's normal in hindsight that you feel you would have liked to be there at that precise moment, but you could never have guessed this would happen and you needed to go home at that point for a shower and your medication. I am sure your mum appreciated you being by her side when she called you and that you spent all these hours with her.

If you feel you are constantly replaying this in your mind and it is making you feel really down, do speak to your GP about this who I am sure will be able to support you and point you in the right direction during this difficult time. There are things available like grief counselling which might help. 

We're thinking of you during this difficult time. Rest assured you are not alone. So many on the forum will have experienced these feeling of guilt and I am sure they will be along shortly to share their story with you. I hope you won't mind - I have added a few words to your title to make it more specific and to attract more relevant replies to your thread. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator