It's been nearly 6 month since my grandad received his shocking terminal diagnosis. These past 6 month have truly been the most upsetting and distressing time of my life. My brain can not comprehend what is happening. I cry every day and I just can't imagine my life without him. I see him every day and always have done. He brought me up, and is the only dad I've ever known. I really don't know how to process what is happening. We are currently awaiting scan results after he had his fourth (last) round of chemo. I don't think about losing him as I can't even begin to imagine that, I just feel like I am grieving, which makes me feel terrible as he's still here and fighting! Obviously we are restricted as to what we can do due to Covid, but regardless I visit him every day as I always have done. He is my best friend, and he has moved heaven and earth for me. Friends often comment on the bond we have and say they envy it and wish they had that same bond with their dad. 
I don't know how to cope with how I'm feeling, and I can say I have truly never been heartbroken up until now. I pray for him every day, and he is on my gratitude list every day. 
 

I don't really know why I'm posting, I just feel extra anxious tonight waiting for his results. 
 

Love to everyone going through such a terrible time x