My mum was diagnosed with Stage 4 Bowel cancer, that was terminal in February 21. She passed away yesterday, after such a short battle.

She passed away with my siblings and dad by her side, like she always wanted. 

But the pain is indescribable. 

I never expected her to pass, as quick as she did. I initially called the ambulance, as she was having severe back pains, that weren't going away with the painkillers. I just expected the hospital to check her over, and then she would return home. But when we got the call at 2am, saying all the family should go to the hospital, I just knew, before the doctors said anything. What kills me is, when I did go and talk to mum, she had full conscious. I cried my heart out to her, and she was comforting me. She was so selfless, and loved me and my siblings so much. She was comforting me, when the doctors had told her she had hours to live. She was reassuring me that the doctors were wrong, and she would be okay and come home.

Looking back on it, I realise what a strong person she was. She wasn't scared of dying, instead she just wanted her children to be okay. 
 

God, it kills so much. We lost her way too soon, she was only 55. This was meant to be the best years of her life, retiring, watching her children go up. It hurts so much. I just want her back. I don't know how to cope or move forward. 
 

I don't know how I am going to live the next 30/40 years of my life, without my mum. I need my mum.