Hi [@Dexter123]‍ 

Sorry for the late reply, it's been a tough few days as grief continues to hit in waves. I am sorry to hear of your loss, it really is such a shock to lose someone quickly to this horrible disease. The things that happened from my mother's diagnosis to death were just so traumatic and it really messed me up, hence the counseling that I needed. 

I was lucky enough to be referred to a service called 'validium' through my employer. My Gp sent me a letter with a list of bereavement support services both national and local (cruse is on that list). 

Counseling may not be for everyone, but in my case it was crucial and I'm only just realising now how important it was / is. 

I hope that helps a little.

I think any chat you can have that lifts you spirit is amazing during grief ️ the last 6 months has been the hardest of my life. I know you'll understand this. I just feel really sad my mum will never know me settled, help me to pick a wedding dress (if that happens) and just all my life is events?! What it has done is make me a kinder person, which I know you said it has done for you too. Everyday I genuinely try to be a kinder person which can never be a bad thing.

How are you? What made you come here after this time if you don't mind me asking? Thank you so much for being so lovely. Xxx

I understand completely, it feels so unfair. And it is hard! Plus everyone goes through it in their own time and way, there is no set timescale, rhyme or reason.

I am not married, so I have not had a wedding without mum, but I had female family offering to attend the birth of my child; I said thank you but no, I only wanted mum and my partner there and if she can't be there I didn't want a 'replacement'. I know they were trying to be supportive but that was my mindset at the time and has been for many other events. My partner has been with me since just after mum had her first treatment so he has been my rock. My partners mum passed away in February so I have been able to support him and our little girl. 

I know you will find a way through that works for you and I think your mum would be very proud of you, too. I can tell you are a kind caring person.

I came to the chat as I was looking for people who have had the same experience, initially just to read stories but I decided to join and talk. I've got one good friend who has been through the same who I talk to but we don't see each other that often. I have found since I had my little girl that I feel sad for all she and I miss not having my mum here, although it also makes me cherish every minute with my child and I think I'm a better mum for it. For example I saw a girl and her Nanny playing at the park together and I got thinking about what my mum would've been like. But I can feel the happiness for them, which lifts the sadness I feel for us. Bittersweet is a word that comes to mind.
 

I have my sad moments, it is not easy but as I said it has got easier with time. I just accept the things that still upset me, and I tell myself that it's ok. I hope that will be the same for you xx

[@MrsM21]‍ 

I think raising your daughter without your mum must feel so so difficult. But I'm really happy that you're able to share stories about her, so even though she never was able to meet her physically, she will know her still. I talk about my mum to everyone still, and always still in the present tense. I don't think that I have used the past tense once! 

Ah thank you, ️ and likewise to you. I think it does make you think twice about how you react to people in general as you never know what they are going through. I think it's really lovely that you're able to feel happy for others, even though i would imagine it feels quite painful to see others with their mum's and children. 

It's all just about taking one step at a time a guess, and as cliche as it sounds, finding a new normal. I have been really amazed by people though, some people are just unbelievably kind even though they are experiencing grief either through loss or going through treatment. Definately something positive to have taken from it. Xxxx

Yes keep talking about your Mum, I don't know your spiritual beliefs but I think talking about the ones we've lost keeps them close in our minds and hearts as we go forward. And you are spot on about finding a new normal, that's exactly what it is. (Something everybody has had to do over the past 18 months!)

Grief and loss are certainly a great leveller, and we can make connections during those times that last a lifetime. I see my mums favourite nurse in passing occasionally and she remembers her still, they spent a lot of sleepless nights talking. 
 

Yes one step at a time, sometimes it's a day, an hour or a minute xxx

I am very spiritual actually, which to be honest, I just keep saying to myself she's not physically here, but she is still around me. Sometimes that's much easier than others. I woke up this morning, had a huge cry for an hour then just told myself this is not what she'd want, she would be absolutely devastated to see me so upset! 

That's so lovely you still see her, although it must feel upsetting at the same time. 

Hope you're doing okay today ️

I am very spiritual too, I didn't want to say too much in case it was not your belief but I believe the same as you, that our loved ones are around us.
It's very ok to cry, any time you need to, and it shows how much you loved your mum and what a good relationship you had. We've lost our mums before their time, it's not fair and it's understandable to feel that way. My partners mum was older and it's a different feeling, although sad, it's accepted that she had lived her life and seen her grandchildren and great-grandchildren born. 
 

I live close to the hospice where my mum spent her last weeks, so I love to visit the gardens and when I'm allowed, the chapel to light a candle.

Have you read the thread about signs from loved ones? I take a lot of comfort in seeing white feathers and songs that mum loved on the radio. On the day she passed I found a white feather inside a dvd case! 
 

I hope you are feeling a bit better now, I am thinking of you xx

That's lovely, I too think that must have been your mum I agree that if it brings you comfort then it's ok and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Nobody knows for sure so it is all down to your own belief, it doesn't hurt anyone.

I'm very interested in spiritual things and have been from an early age, I keep an open mind but I get a lot of comfort from signs that I see arriving at a time when I needed them. We get lots of robins turning up, just after my MIL passed my partner had a robin jump in to his van! The other day there were 3 sitting on our fence. 
 

So far today for me is a good day, I hope you are ok? Xxx