lost dad to cancer

I lost my dad in May 2019, he was diagnosed in January 2019 with lung cancer, and was given about a year to live

He deteriorated pretty quickly, it started from not being able to eat solid foods, to not being able to drink alone, to not being able to go to the bathroom, and soon he was hallucinating, struggling to breathe, unable to move

At the time I had just turned 18 and it was the scariest thing to witness. To see a man who had already been so close to death, and had survived against the odds and went on to have an incredible life, turn into a shrivelled shell of himself was terrifying

When he died i pushed away all emotions, bottled it all up but now it is starting to creep back so I just had to vent

I'm being haunted by the look on his face when he was hallucinating, the smell of sickness that filled the room, the looks on my brothers faces as they came rushing to the house after hearing the news

I'm haunted by the fact that when I went to see him that morning, my mum told me to tell my dad I loved him and I told her I would be back in like 10 minutes and I never did get to tell him.

I hate that because of how awkward and overly anxious I am, I couldn't t spend time talking to my dad when he was lying in bed, floating between consciousness and sleep, and that I can't visit his grave because I don't know what the hell to do there. There's no stone, the last time I went the grass still hadn't grown over where he was buried, so do I stand on the path? Can I sit down? Why are so many people looking at me?

He was such a great dad to me and when he needed me most I didn't do my best. And now he's gone i still can't do my best  and it's so frustrating

I don't quite know how to deal with any of this. It's not my first experience with death, since I lost my grandpa to cancer when I was 13, but I dealt with that completely differently, I didn't bottle it up. But now all of these memories are coming back to me and I do not know how to deal with it all

This is my first post here? I just needed to rant to someone 

  • Hi there ...

    So so sorry your going through this heartbraking time at the moment after looseing your dad so young .. trust me, most everyone has regrets ... most people feel guilty about something ... that's normal .. you was a young man , loosing your dad ... one of the hardest things we ever do in life ... 

    Cancer has no empathy ... it wants you everyone to be it's victim .. it took your dad ... now it's wanting to take all the good memories and replace them with memories of cancer ... then it grows strong the more you do that ... your dad would want you to remember the dad before cancer .. the dad that held you as a baby ... taught you to walk and watched you grow from a child to a man ... 

    When you think of those sad crule memories... sit down , close your eyes ... and think of the best memory you have of your dad ... relive it ... slowly ... word for word .. how he looked ... how you felt ... remember the love you both had at that time ... do this over and over untill the pain and bad memories fade and you can smile from the good memories... 

    Don't let cancer make you a victim .. stick two fingers up to cancer.... remember the good times ... Don't worry bout where you stand at his grave ... or what you'll say .. or think ... he isn't down there ... he's up there looking down ... and I bet he's so proud of his young son ... just go with feelings ... give yourself permission to feel what ever comes into your mind.... and say that's o.k ... to feel sad ... angry .. cuss .. or even smile when a you think something good ... just because you can't see him ... doesn't mean he's not there ... 

    So be kind to your heart ... know you have a long way to go ... and we always miss them ... but just look in the mirror... he's right there ... you are half of him ... so keep him in your heart now ... take him with you and he will see through your eyes ... sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie x