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I can't stop dreaming about the night my mum died.

Taco
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Hi,

 

I lost my mum in 2009 and i miss her so much. Just recently i have been dreaming (almost nightmares because i wake up heartbroken) of the night i lost her. I wake up with tears in my eyes and hot sweats, i can't control what is happening either, i try and change the dream but i am stuck watching her die all over again.

I don't know what to do. :(

  • Offline

    Hi Taco

    That sounds awful and reliving trauma is painful. I'm no psychologist but like to try and sort things out myself. Firstly I would think why I might be bringing this back. Can you talk to someone about this trauma? Sometimes it can make you feel worse, but with the right people and the right space it may help you reframe everything in your mind. Sometimes asleep we have 'terrors' and nightsweats and it can be for medical reasons, ie tablets, or fever. My mum died in 2006 in hospital aged 63 after medical negligence. But I've been having flashbacks in dreams recently too after having to undergo surgery myself. I actually wanted to talk to my mum too in the last few days. Just to unburden. Of all the people in the world, our mothers loved us unconditionally, no matter what and they are a huge loss. They were our safe space. Ask your Dr and see if he can get you some telephone counselling. They can give you exercises, just listen and make you reassess your situation. I know this as my family  have used it. It may not help, but it could be a start. There is the bereavement charity Cruse, who may help. McMillan help families too. Hope these nightmares stop. (Don't know if you are a hugger, apologies if you aren't, but sending you a virtual hug).

  • Offline in reply to andbreathe

    Hey Taco, 

    I used to be a doctor. And I've been through a lot myself. 
     

    How old are you? And are you female? I'm asking because if you're between 45-52yrs, you may have perimenopause symptoms. Sometimes this stage of life and hormonal imbalances can bring on hot sweats at night, and past painful memories, depression too. 
     

    If you're younger, then I expect you have PTSD. Maybe you never healed properly when your Mom died, you didn't get bereavement counselling, or maybe something over the last few months has triggered these painful memories. We all relive painful memories from time to time so don't worry too much. 
     

    Try to talk to a good friend or family member. Talk about your Mom. Talk about her death. Then talk about some good memories. Cry if you need to, get emotions out. Allow yourself time. If you need a therapist, betterhelp is a good affordable app. 
     

    Make a nice bedtime routine for yourself. Start with a bath or shower with nicely scented products, play some calming music while you do this. Do a 15min bedtime yoga stretch, you can find them on Utube. Make your bed nice, spray some lavender oil above your bed. Get into bed and read a good book, something that'll take your mind far away. And before you sleep, say a prayer to your Mom, tell her about your day, that you love her. And then create a few dreams for yourself to fall asleep to...dreams you can think of night after night. 

     

    Im suggesting this bed routine because it's easy to start getting anxiety about your bed and sleep. To start expecting the same nightmares. This way you create a new calm and mindful routine. With a bit of time it'll help you start sleeping normally again. 
     

    Hope this helps. 
    Take care. Be easy on yourself. 

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