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Mums Funeral and chapel of rest

reds24
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Hello,

Looking for some advice as to what to do as I really don't know what to do.

I lost my mum unexpectedly to lung cancer on 17th February 2021. It's been such a difficult time trying to do the right thing for everyone. I was so close to my mum she was simply my everything to me and my three daughters her lost as been a blow to my stomach and I feel the loss of her every minute of every hour of everyday since she died at home with me my dad and my two brothers.

I have arranged my mums funeral pretty much by myself as the rest of my family, was to upset to manage to organising this. I knew my mum best as I am the only daughter,  so I guess it made sense as my dad is not well enough to take this on alone. 
 

My mums funeral is on Monday15th (day after Mother's Day of all days) we have been told we can see my mum in the chapel of rest on Wednesday 10th March (three wks after my mums passing) I am so scared and not sure what to do. I have always previously visited other family members such as my mammar and grandad (my mums parents) but my mum never wished to abs I went with my aunties and uncles (my mums brothers and sisters). I just don't no if I should or not I feel mixed with guilt if I don't or the pain of not seeing my mum for the last time on earth. This is affecting me so much at the minute and I haven't got long left to make my decision. No one else wants to see my mum as they all find this so upsetting I feel sad by this but I understand why as I also feel I don't want this lasting memory either, it was hard enough to watch her leave us the first time. Any advice would be so appricated.

thank you in advance.

PS I hope I haven't upset anyone with my post, sorry if I have.

take care all. 

 

 

  • Offline

    Hello, my husband passed in January, exactly the same cancer and unexpectantly in our arms. I think you’ ll follow your instinct. We’re struggling, going through it all. Here if you want to talk x

  • Offline

    Hi, 

    I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum. It must be hard being the main person organising your Mum's funeral but it's lovely that you know her so well so you will do an amazing job as you know the things she would want. 
     

    My Mum died the end of January to cancer. Her funeral is also 15th March - nearly 2 months after she passed away. The delay is due to the cemetery only doing 2 burials a day. I went to the chapel of rest 2 weeks ago which was 4 weeks after my Mum passed away. I am really glad I went. She looked peaceful. It wasn't easy seeing her because it made her death feel more real. I cried loads but I cry loads day to day anyway so seeing her didn't make me feel worse. I think it is such a personal choice that there is no right or wrong answer if you go or don't go. 
     

    Hope all goes well! 
     

    J xx 

  • Offline in reply to JP7956

    Hi J,

    Thank you for your message it was comfort to know that someone else it's feeling all these emotions. It's been a tough few weeks. I did manage to sit with my mum for a couple of hours but decided that actually seeing her was something I couldn't do as to frighten of the affects this would have had on me. I knew my mum wouldn't have wanted me suffering in that way as she was very protective over me. My close cousin did the things I couldn't bring myself to do for my mum as I needed to know I had taken care of all the little things that brought comfort to my mum. 
    I am totally dreading saying my finally good bye to my beautiful mum but feel I need to put my amazing mum to rest and than try and to continue living without my 'go to person' it's the little things I miss like my total pointless telephone calls to my mum who would happily listen to me as if I was the most important person in her life. 
    I do hope your mums funeral goes well too and I will be thinking of you and your family at this sad day. I to offer some comfort that you are not alone as I will also be going through the worse day of my life.

    I never imagine I was going to lose my mum in the most unexpected way and that this year was going to be the year that would change the way I live forever.

    Take care and all the best for tomorrow xx

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