Hello mate I'm so sorry for your loss it's horrible cancer I lost my wife to breast cancer the 22nd of December last year she left me a nine-year-old and a two-year-old to look after it's tough I understand what you mean by feeling empty i'm the same i'm here if you fancy a chat

Hi,  that must be so hard having  young children as well. I don't know how people cope with the feeling of injustice and loss it is  just so overwhelming how do you find the strength to pull through . 

I I know exactly what your saying about Treading water exactly how I feel and have felt you're doing all the right things funeral is a hard thing to do but it's also nice because you're doing something for her and all the people that go to the funeral for the same as you well not the same as you but you know I mean! I remember when I was at your stage you had the government phone number to ring ring me once or something to explain what has happened it's so hard I feel your pain three months on it it's almost exactly the same whereabouts in the country are you from?

I have done the ring once scheme.  But I still have to deal with banks and phone contracts etc. But you are right aleast it keeps you occupied and arranging the funeral it is just so hard going through photos when everything is so raw. Macmillian have put me in touch with bereavement Council but don't know if I can talk face to face yet. I live in Surrey 

Yes I remember having to look at photos for the funeral that day I actually quite enjoyed that even though it made me cry ever since the funeral I've not been able to look at any other photos yet I really want to do every time I go to look at one I just break down! Everything is still as she left it in the bedroom is exactly the same I've not cancelled her phone open to her bank yet that's all ticking along like normal I haven't done any counselling I don't want to do phone calls with Covid stuff I would sooner do face-to-face I've been on this website since it happened and I've met a few people that have helped me on the way to sharing experiences et cetera were in the club nobody wants to be in i'm not too far away I'm in Hampshire

Yes looking at the photos reminded me of how many good times we had but on the other hand reminds me that we won't have any more together and I feel if I am not going to have any more with her then I don't want any more so whats the point . I have lost someone who shared all my good times  and when I had fun times without her I couldn't wait to tell her. I know it has only just happened but I can't imagine ever having this bond with any one else. 

Try not to think that far ahead one day at a time remember if you do that it is easier I know it's really hard not to look into the future but try your best not to i'll send you a private message 

Yes you are right one day at a time  it is only 4 days ago that i lost my world. I don't know how you keep it together with your children it must be unbelievably hard for you. It just seems that every second she is in my head and I get convinced that she is just going to walk through the door as though nothing has happened but I know the reality is nothing like that . Tomorrow I have to finish off arranging the funeral and the order of service it just seems unreal that this needs doing I can't believe I have to plan someone's funeral who 3 weeks ago seemed fine and I thought that she had almost beaten this awful illness but I suppose you can't keep saying why could I not do more I just feel I let her down when I promised I would not let anything hurt her but I failed. 

I know that you mean about her walking through the door as nothing has happened  I'm a lot like that now  I think she is working away for a while! But I no the truth.

 I was the same About the funeral We thought she must be in the breast cancer even the doctor is did She was told to get some rest to have chemo Then about nine days before she died the doctor came in and said she probably got about two weeks to live I was crying she was like don't be silly I know my body I'll be okay Little did we know the cancer spread to her lungs so I completely understand where you're coming from! 
I'm sure you did your best for her there is not much more you can do I remember saying the same thing I should've done more but what can I do I was just there to support her and tell her I love her and that should be okayI guess you said all the same?

A lot of the things she did survive she would be bedridden now and she would've hated that she would've just been waiting to die and my wife got to live the life that he wanted to write up until the end if that makes any sense she didn't know she was dying she thought she was getting better I'm so proud of her for that! So as horrible as it is my wife dying when she did she got out of all the pain Obviously I want her to stay alive if there was a cure but I wasn't one.

I don't believe for one minute you found your partner I'm sure she's looking over you so proud of you sorting out the funeral and everything!

hopefully soon you'll have visitation dreams and you'll start seeing feathers or strange things happening that's her telling you she's okay

Another day we got through , think I have organised the funeral was worried about it now worried I have done it and have nothing to do now . Got to go back to work been off for 3 weeks have to earn some money now it seems disrespectful and I am worried I will forget her even though I know I won't she is all I think of all the time even when I manage to get some sleep when I wake up I am looking for her  Still think she is going to walk through the door as though nothing has happened.  I know how you feel about wanting her to stay alive but then only to be bed ridden which she would hate but then I think at least she would be with me but I know that is selfish. I wait for some kind of sign that she is looking over me , I am sure they are and would protect  us in ways that we will never no. 

 Glad you sorted the funeral well done tough job done! It's a shame you've got to go back to work so soon that's going to be hard for you!I know you want her back I want that too sometimes even if she is bed ridden At least you're still be here with me. I've had a terrible day today now the sunshine is coming I'm finding it even harder my wife love the sunshine she loves to be outside topping up her tan she was the best mummy as well for my children they talk about her so much and that is really hard trying to say she would want us to do all the things we used to do easy to say isn't it

Sorry you had a tough day seems untrue my father is staying with me and I was just saying I think I am going to struggle more when the sun is shining at least when its raining I can hide away and don't feel that I have to go out. Must be hard because of the children talking and wanting to do what you used to do. Yet I worry every one will soon forget about my partner and just start to carry on how they were before ,when to me the world will never be the same because the best person is not here anymore and I miss her more and more and as much as I try she will never be back here with me . 

Sorry you had a tough day seems untrue my father is staying with me and I was just saying I think I am going to struggle more when the sun is shining at least when its raining I can hide away and don't feel that I have to go out. Must be hard because of the children talking and wanting to do what you used to do. Yet I worry every one will soon forget about my partner and just start to carry on how they were before ,when to me the world will never be the same because the best person is not here anymore and I miss her more and more and as much as I try she will never be back here with me . 

 In time mate people will do that they won't want to talk as much as they need to protect themselves that's why it's very important for you to come in a place like this because people do wanna talk about their partners people understand! I enjoy listening to you about what you say about your loved one it's probably exactly the same as how I feel about mine If I'm honest I miss silly things like hiding behind the door watching I have a shower peeking in obviously she knew I was there but didn't care! Crazy stuff like what underwear she would choose there's only a few people you can talk about that too

Yes I am sure we all did what people would say are silly things but when you do them they are quirky and fun  it just so upsetting that when you realise they are no more and that relationship is over and whatever you do it will never come back. I am going to have no one staying with me for a while I think I need to grieve on my own I have not been alone since my partner passed away and I feel i need my own time with my own thoughts to get ready for the awful time next week of her funeral which after her passing  is going to be the hardest day of my life. And I have no idea why people say it will get easier after the funeral do they think I am going to forget the person who for 23yrs has been next to me every day and supported through everything. 

Hi mate how are you today? Just thought I'd check in to say hi

Not so good first day alone in the flat since I lost her. Went out for a drive and just started shouting thought if I shouted louder for her she would hear me . Just think when she was here did I really appreciate everything she done for me did I forget to tell her things that would have made her feel better now I will never get to tell , I keep talking to her maybe she can still hear me just maybe she is still here. Enough its not all about me how are you today? 

 I'm the same emotions up-anddown mostly down! I've lost my best friend my lover mummy everything I am getting through the days I talk to her all the time I'm sure she can hear life is just not the same but somehow we have to move forward! I understand what you're saying about did you say that to them did you tell him how much you love them did you tell them how much you appreciate everything they do I always told my wife I love her What did I ever realise how muchshe did with the children while I was at work not a chance she was just so good and I really really want her back but it's never going to happen

Bad day today 1 week today when I lost the love of my life. Think I sunk lower today then I have ever been just keep asking her questions hopefully one day she will answer me back.

 It's going to get harder each day mate I'm not gonna lie  You're just at the start  i'm only two months in front but honestly feel just the same as you you can't give up one day at a time

Thanks for being honest I am fed up with people who keep saying it will get easier in time.

I get that to mate  I've had a hard day it's silly things like putting my little boy in the bath Getting him dry all the things we used to do together why do my children have to suffer with all of this let alone myself what have we ever done so wrong what is my wife have I done so wrong! I guess one day I'll stop asking that question because I'm never gonna find out the truth all you Gotta do is keep thinking she can hear you and talk to her

Sorry you had a hard day seems every day is hard,  think it will be for a very long time  in fact I can't see when it will ever get easier i don't see how it can when you lose someone so special there will never be anything that can replace what you have lost.  I am still waiting for a sign so I know she is with me I think she is sometimes I have an overwhelming feeling of her presence i like to think she is checking up on me .