Hello mate I'm so sorry for your loss it's horrible cancer I lost my wife to breast cancer the 22nd of December last year she left me a nine-year-old and a two-year-old to look after it's tough I understand what you mean by feeling empty i'm the same i'm here if you fancy a chat

Hi mate finding the strength to pull through well that's a good question have I been able to do that  The truth is I have no idea people say I just got a go day by day which I'm still doing just over two months on I find comfort in her memory lives on through my children! Then I'm really upset at the same time because why does it have to be my boys to go out without a mum why did it have to be me that to lose a wife she really was my soulmate we were inseparable she did everything for me everything I asked she wanted today and I was the same for her!

 I guess I find comfort in the fact he's in heaven watching over us and he is in no more pain and has no more cancer I was just waiting for me to join her but she doesn't want me to rush because he wants me to bring up her boys first. 
When my wife is sick all them tablets it was obvious he was going to do anything to stay alive and she loved life and there is a part of me that thinks if I just go totally contradicts what my wife was doing if that makes any sense? She told me if you want me to meet someone else I live a long happy life how am I going to do that but I'm totally in love with someone I can't have anymore ? Mate mate the truth is I haven't got through this I'm just going day by day and one day I'd like to come out of all this grief I don't think I'll ever get over the fact that my wife died so young but maybe now able to except it's happened and I can't do anything about it I never be able to accept that it was her time no way not at 39 

I'm here if you want to chat 

I know exactly what you mean I too have lost my soul mate we was inseparable she done everything for me and was my rock always there when I needed her so supportive and now that has been taken away from me . Yet even in her last days she showed tremendous strength, character and dignity . But now I just feel lost i feel like I am treading water just waiting to drown so I can be with her again but I know she would want me to be strong and carry on. I never new pain could be like this I am just engulfed with emotions but I must be strong for her,  organise the funeral and make her proud and then who knows what happens.  

I I know exactly what your saying about Treading water exactly how I feel and have felt you're doing all the right things funeral is a hard thing to do but it's also nice because you're doing something for her and all the people that go to the funeral for the same as you well not the same as you but you know I mean! I remember when I was at your stage you had the government phone number to ring ring me once or something to explain what has happened it's so hard I feel your pain three months on it it's almost exactly the same whereabouts in the country are you from?

I have done the ring once scheme.  But I still have to deal with banks and phone contracts etc. But you are right aleast it keeps you occupied and arranging the funeral it is just so hard going through photos when everything is so raw. Macmillian have put me in touch with bereavement Council but don't know if I can talk face to face yet. I live in Surrey 

Yes I remember having to look at photos for the funeral that day I actually quite enjoyed that even though it made me cry ever since the funeral I've not been able to look at any other photos yet I really want to do every time I go to look at one I just break down! Everything is still as she left it in the bedroom is exactly the same I've not cancelled her phone open to her bank yet that's all ticking along like normal I haven't done any counselling I don't want to do phone calls with Covid stuff I would sooner do face-to-face I've been on this website since it happened and I've met a few people that have helped me on the way to sharing experiences et cetera were in the club nobody wants to be in i'm not too far away I'm in Hampshire

Yes looking at the photos reminded me of how many good times we had but on the other hand reminds me that we won't have any more together and I feel if I am not going to have any more with her then I don't want any more so whats the point . I have lost someone who shared all my good times  and when I had fun times without her I couldn't wait to tell her. I know it has only just happened but I can't imagine ever having this bond with any one else. 

Try not to think that far ahead one day at a time remember if you do that it is easier I know it's really hard not to look into the future but try your best not to i'll send you a private message 

Yes you are right one day at a time  it is only 4 days ago that i lost my world. I don't know how you keep it together with your children it must be unbelievably hard for you. It just seems that every second she is in my head and I get convinced that she is just going to walk through the door as though nothing has happened but I know the reality is nothing like that . Tomorrow I have to finish off arranging the funeral and the order of service it just seems unreal that this needs doing I can't believe I have to plan someone's funeral who 3 weeks ago seemed fine and I thought that she had almost beaten this awful illness but I suppose you can't keep saying why could I not do more I just feel I let her down when I promised I would not let anything hurt her but I failed.