Hello 

I'm so sorry that you your dear dad has passed in such a sudden way. 
There are so many losses there. His physical loss and the time you should have had together. 
My dad passed last May and for the first 3 months I woke up early each morning in physical pain. I had longer to get used to the inevitably of his death from cancer but it still hurt so much. 
As time has passed I have found comfort in talking about him with family members and sharing photos and stories. Everyone has their own way of grieving and nothing prepares you for the pain of it. 
You have sufferered a cruel loss and I am so sorry for the pain that goes with that. 
thinking of you 

Fiona 

Hi Fiona,

Thank you so much for your reply . I'm sorry you are going through this too.

The physical pain is unbelievable isn't it. Everything I do , which isn't much right now , I just keep thinking I can't tell my Dad or show my Dad. Even silly little things. I can't get my head around the fact  that he isn't here. 
 

I put together a photo tribute for his funeral and since then I haven't been able to look at photos of him. It's simply to painful now but hopefully in time as you say that will help .

How do you accept that they have gone ? Please tell me the pain eases x 

Hello

I think it's the small things that are the worst in some ways. When I think 'oh dad would like that' then I remember that he's dead.
The pain does ease in time but I don't think anything prepares you for how tough it is in the beginning. 
my dad was a Dynamo. He lived life with the energy of a person half his age. He could also be very annoying as he was so stubborn. It was almost impossible to believe that his energy and presence had gone. In those early months I looked for signs that he was still here which sounds daft as I myself don't believe in an afterlife. 
I have come to understand that my dad is at peace and it's my job to remember him and to accept the joy he brought to my life as well as the pain. 
I know that my suffering is a consequence of the love I had for him and so is that pain. 

The photos in the early days did make me cry. I find I can look at them now feeling sad but also remembering him which feels something else. 
I'm so sorry for your loss and for the pain of it. 
fiona