Hi everyone. I've not posted here before so not sure how to begin

I lost my mum to her 18 month battle with cancer at the beginning of 2020. At the end of 2019 she spent over a month in hospital, during which time she had to have major surgery to repair bones that had broken due to the cancer. She was moved to the local hospice where she was looked after before she passed away. I visited her every day during this period and those two months were the worst of my life and felt like an eternity.

Mum's gradual decline and watching the cancer slowly spread was incredibly tough to witness. But it was especially difficult when visiting the hospital and hospice. I saw my mum go through some really quite distressing things related to her bones and surgery, as well as her condition and her needing help to do even the most basic things. I am in my mid-20s and before mum I fortunately never had to care for anyone or see anyone go through anything like this before.

For a while I was experiencing some quite vivid flashbacks to events in the hospital and hospice, and although these have subsided, I still have regular dreams based around the hospital/ hospice. These are very distressing and sometimes relate to my mum and her treatment and experience with cancer. But sometimes they are not based on what actually happened at all. It's like my brain enjoys making different scenarios up to torture me. 

Has anyone experienced this sort of thing before? I worry that I have some form of PTSD. Or is this a 'normal' part of grief? The hospice mum was at offers bereavement counselling. But as my Dad and I both work from home now, not really leaving the house because of lockdown, I would be uncomfortable doing over the phone/online sessions when he is in the house as he is still really struggling emotionally and don't want to make him worse. In-person appointments have been cancelled obviously too. I am already taking antidepressants from the GP.

Grateful for any advice any of you might have. Thank you and best wishes to you all