Hello Mousegirl21, 

First of all I am so sorry for your loss. What you experienced is actually a good illustration of the complexity of the grieving process. As you will see on our page on Coping with Grief page here, being shocked and numb is often the first thing you will experience immediately after the death of a close friend or relative. This numbness can often wear off and be replaced by other emotions so it is normal that this is currently happening to you. It certainly has been a strange year and I hope that you have good support around you to help you cope when you are feeling low. 

If you feel that it all gets a bit overwhelming and you are struggling to function properly, don't hesitate to talk to your GP about this. They will be able to help you I am sure and maybe offer something like grief counselling if they feel you might benefit from it. 

There is no right or wrong way to grieve and it can be a very long process so I just wanted you to know that we are all here for you. I hope that you will hear from some of our members who have lost a loved one to cancer recently and that they will come and share their own story with you. It does help to talk to others who understand exactly what you are going through at the moment. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator