That's ok  there is a lovely story called the water bug and the dragonfly on you tube may help you and the girls it's helped me explain things to the boys. I'm ok ish  love talking to people still on here not anyone else  people just don't no what to say are you ready for the funeral? I never went to the chapel of rest kind of wish I did though only because I feel guilty But to be honest I know she's not there anyway it's just the body 

I was glad I went last week as he looked peaceful but wished I'd not gone today. Wanted to put a couple of the kids' drawings with him but was a mistake to go. Never mind. Can't change it now. As you say though, that's not actually him. It's just a shell. 

Pretty much sorted for the funeral. Just need to print off bits tomorrow but done apart from that. Dreading it but also starting to feel ready for it. 

Yeah people really find it hard to know what to say, don't they? It's understandable though. I'd be the same normally I think. 

You went to the chapel of rest again for the girls so you did the right thing even if it wasn't very nice for you I'm sure phil would love you doing they  for the girls even in such a difficult time i'm sure he's looking down on you and is so proud of you  in every way!!! All I can say is don't fear the funeral of corse it not what you want to be doing but time kind of stops  for a bit  and there are other people there who kind of (not completely) feel YOUR pain  so in a strange way it's quite comforting.  I really feel your pain trust me  I'd love to give you a hug  and tell you you/my  future will be ok  but I'm not there yet  nowhere near i'm just in denial like it can't be happening  how can someone I love so much just disappear  forever when they did not want to leave and was a good kind person! Everyone always says cancer only takes the good ones

Phil's oncologist said that - that the worst things happen to the nicest people. It really seems to be true. 

My cousin has just told me time heals and keep strong but you know when you just want to say to them, you've got no idea, no idea at all what it's like. 

So glad I can chat to someone who gets it and understands the feeling of shock and disbelief and worry for the future without the person you love most.

Martyne will be so proud of you too. She'll be looking over you and your boys and will be so harpy with how you're looking after them and doing home school and everything. 

Hope your ok today I understand what you mean about your cousin I just want the day to end! Some one said to me every day you Finnish your one day closer to being with her   Can really understand  why say that ??

Think people just don't know what to say so they say whatever comes into their head but sometimes that just does more harm than good. Know they mean well though. 

How has today been? I feel like I should be doing stuff for tomorrow but everything is done, eulogy and my daughter's poem is printed. Nothing to do but I feel restless. Like I should be busy if that makes sense? 

Weather is rubbish so can't even go out for a nice walk to clear my mind or anything. 

How are the kids? Mine have been doing their schoolwork but getting little one to do hers was a hard slog today. 

 Good luck for tomorrow it's going to be a hard day I'll be thinking of you 

kids  have been great for me today  Big distraction which I really needed but like I said feel bad because I'm not with martyne  Trying so hard to make her proud of me it just seems like such an impossible task i'm crying as I'm writing this I just want her back so much!! I'm so sorry are be ok just need a hug from someone who understands the pain I'm in.  I was just The same is you the day before the funeral it's  completely normal you're doing is perfect I'm sure Phil would be so proud 

Ah I'm glad the kids have helped today. So hard but they definitely do keep us going. It is so hard being without the ones we love though. 

Tomorrow will definitely be hard. Seems surreal still. Wondering if tomorrow will make more real? 

 Martyne not being here is horrible and probably always will be I cry cry  About being robbed out on a future that none of us deserve to lose. I can't tell you to much about tomorrow just go with you have nowhere else to go  it will be horrible but slightly nice at the same time  do you want to know completely how I felt for the whole day? 

I'm hoping it'll be as nice a send off as we can give him. I don't think it'll seem real. Kind of hoping it doesn't, if you know what I mean? 

I keep thinking that too. That we've been robbed ofthe future we should have had and that I'll always feel like this. It's just awful, isn't it?