Hi, 

Thinking of you and your children. I lost my husband to testicular cancer on 2nd Jan after an almost 2 year fight. He was 41. We also have 2 children - 2 girls aged 11 and 7. Still feel almost numb at the minute and want to feel him with me like he promised he'd be, but I just don't yet. Praying I will one day as need to know he's there and that one day I'll be back with him. Got his funeral to come on Wednesday and currently framing a photo for the top of the coffin and noting down eulogy ideas. All feels so surreal. Got to keep going for the girls though. Sure you know that feeling. Best wishes to you and your little ones. 

Hello I know exactly what you're going throughI'm really sorry for your loss cancer is just horrible and obviously it affects The people who are left behind

 I think things will take a long time before we actually understand at all I'm much the same I walk round in limbo kind of like this can't be happening to me she's only popped out to the shop should be back soon but deep down we know what's happened and next time we'll see them as when we are up in heaven  to that's what my nine-year-old says anyway I hope it's true!  
funeral goes well Trust me you don't need to worry about it it's kind of like time stops just for a little while not really to say goodbye just to say that you love them and you had a short life but happy life 

i'm here if you do wanna talk I don't think I've ever met anyone from Newcastle because I'm from Southampton anyway trust me when I say I feel your pain that's without talking about the kids you're also grieving for the children I know I am I know they should have them and maybe it should've been me with the cancer! I love being on this website and I love talking to people sometimes when there is like radio silence I feel like oh my God what am I going to do next but the boys keep me busy

We will. We'll keep talking and we'll get through. Bloody rotten club to be part of though, you're right. 

Maybe tonight will be the night for my dream. I'm hoping so. 

How are you feeling today x

Hi, 

Been another hard day. Phil's ashes came home today so have set up a little area for me and the girls to remember him with a photo and candle and things. Not sure if it's the right thing to do or not but it's what I promised him I'd do so we'll see how it goes. 

Went for a walk with my best friend earlier, which was nice. Good to get a bit of a chance to talk without the girls there. 

How are you and the boys today? 

Glad you got out for a girls walk with you mate that's nice I have not got the ashes back yet  have to call someone I guess!  I'm going to do the same  for a few weeks  I think 

boys are fine  school said I'm doing great at home school ing 

 I'm still finding it hard  that dead means forever 

That's good that home schooling is going well. Been doing some with my littlest today. She's hard to motivate though. Thankfully the older one just cracks on with it so she's no bother. 

Know what you mean. Still can't get my head round it all to be honest. Keep thinking it will sink in soon but never seems to. 

 I think it going to take year s., I got fish and chips for tea and enjoyed them with the kids  even forgot about martyne for 5 mins  then hated my self  after 

We had chippy tea yesterday. Was Phil's favourite so felt odd having it without him. Know what you mean though. There are odd times when it goes out of your mind, just for a bit, then you feel awful. We shouldn't feel bad but can't help it. Definitely going to take a long, long time for it to even seem real. 

Our lives are going to be hard harder than people will ever understand   
 We are  never going to  be normal anymore if you know what a mean 

I miss my best friend lover every thing 

It's just so difficult to try and explain to others, isn't it? People mean well but they just don't get it. 

 To be honest  I don't think other people will ever understand  I think that's why there are so many widow dating site just so people can  chat as mates  and have company  not dating is dating used to be for us 

 To be honest  I don't think other people will ever understand  I think that's why there are so many widow dating site just so people can  chat as mates  and have company  not dating is dating used to be for us 

I'm trying to send my wife's Christmas present she never got to see on Amazon  all was going well until it asked for my password guess what she set it up  and I never wrote it down  now I'm back at rock bottom