A little country walk in a village - we went there a few times with my parents. I wear Rossella's favourite wooley hat when I go out - I always keep it close. Always on my pillow too next to me.

Hope you are good xx

Glad your ok mate I'm up and down x

Just keeping hanging in there mate.

I've been in a constant wrestling match with my mind today - always trying to wrestle it back into my control. If I don't I go over the edge.

Xx

You don't want me as a tag team partner  my mind is kicking the *** out me! 

Now that would be a hell of a wrestling match to watch!! We would be annihilated!

Hi 

I'm so sorry for your recent loss!

i lost my mother to cancer of unknown primary 27/11/18 I was only 18 years old. I felt so alone once this had happened as it happened so quickly and tragically. I found many ways of coping with my loss but talking about my grief to others who cooks relate to me really helped as they could understand my rollercoaster of emotions! 

hope you are doing okay

Gabriella x 
 

So nice to meet you Gabriella! I read your post and cried - no one should lose a mother so young. I am so sorry. 

Yes it does help me to talk here and I don't feel I have to hold anything back. The loneliness and emptiness is an awful thing to cope with. I lost my 'rock' and it's crushing.

Do you still have the rollercoaster? Are you coping better?

I am finding ways of coping but I fear that all I am doing is putting walls and barriers up to the emotions and I feel like my emotions are numbing. They are just as raw as ever when a wall cracks.

I think the more I cry the better as I am sure it needs to come out and there is alot to come out.

How was your week?

Rich xx

Of course I understand you and I had a terrible morning. I am beginning to realize that my only way out of this is to forgive myself - somehow to forgive myself to free myself from the past. Then maybe I will stop beating myself up.

We can make this day better mate.

Xx

It was one month yesterday since I wife died and there is a part of me that believes she is going to come through the front door soon It feels like I've done one month I've got over 40 years to go and I've just done one lousy month. I went to the beach again today with the boys we threw stones in the sea and we were speaking to mummy I just hope she could hear me I really don't think I can do this I loved her so much maybe I should say I love her so much because I still love her just want everything the way it used to be I can't make it go away no matter how I try