Are you ok I've been thinking about you ?

Yeah

I went for a walk in a park today while the funeral was happening. There were lots of dogs walking round having fun, Lewis loves dogs. 
I went to the grave side after it was all done, I had a voicemail from my mum asking if I was ok they were at my flat and saw I was not there, I text her to say I was ok.

I spent over an hour at his graveside, I stayed while the man filled in the hole, he was nice he had I'd I have to use a digger I said that's fine Lewis liked diggers, I arranged the flowers in the top and left him some of his favourite chocolates. I played all his favourite music and just sat there with him. 
 

I'm at his brothers house where all his family are, I did not want to come but I did. I gave his mum this bracelet I bought her with crystals on for healing and as worry beads also a small gemstone heart, Lewis has one in his pocket so I gave another to her to keep. 
 

It's sad it's like it's over now apparently the ac/dc song I picked at the end was a good choice for him, just as well as it's the only choice I was given. 

I'm glad you went in to there house  well done wonder woman  I'm proud of you!!!lewis would be happy to his dream girl was there on this important day 

I hope so

Are you ok?  I've been on YouTube and found this Mat Fraser he is a medium But all the free stuff he puts online seems really interesting and has definitely made me believe in heaven  and life on the other side 

Hi Chris,

I know you are engulfed in pain right now, but I want you to know that life does continue. Your wife said so herself, LIVE your life, see beauty in things around you. I know it must be a touchy subject and I do not want to be inappropriate, but you will be able to meet someone new in the future once you have healed. At the end of the day, we are human beings who need companionship, don't feel guilty for needing that. Don't think your life has ended just because your wife's was cut short, LIVE and carry her spirit with you through it.

Sending you lots of love

Meg

Hi Meg thank you for sending me a message I known your right and I'm starting to feel that way  like as it's nearly spring time the flowers are starting to come out The birds and animal seem to be that little bit braver! My wife even told me to find happiness again on the kind of man who made that but at the moment I couldn't think of anything worse than sharing my bed with somebody else But then at the same time I would love to cuddle someone again! I guess I just want to feel loved again needed sense! At the moment All I really want is my wife even though I can't have her again I know she's always on my shoulder. I guess when the grief monster comes I just want to give me a good kicking 

It's so good to hear you say that! Always bear in mind that you have a future a head of you, and there will be love in that future, I can guarantee it. Little by little, allow yourself to enjoy life, there is so much to enjoy, you can take your kids travelling, experience amazing food, dance, and you never know you might just fall in love again. Spring is here soon, and we will be coming out of lockdown soon too, get yourself out there and enjoy life! Always with her beside you

Lots of love,

Meg x

 I want all that to I do have so much to love for  I know I every thing you say is true even my wife said the same  (including loving again) there Is a massive part of me  that feels guilty  I live on and she had to die of cancer that's so on fair? But I guess there's nothing I can do about that just try and move forward through this grief thank you for the kind words x