It kind of makes sense brain needs to catch up hope it's soon? Saying that I don't want  to forget anything I was robbed of my future we had planned just like yourself s they went to soon in my opinion. Glad your reading up on stuff hope you stay strong as you can 

Yes I think it's a nurse thing. If I don't know something I always read up on it, medications, weird and wonderful diseases, I was terrible for googling what was wrong with Lewis. 
yes we were robbed, I feel like I don't know where my life is going now. Hopefully I will feel more purposeful when im back at work but im nowhere near ready for that yet. 

I feel the same that's if I can go back to work   My wife was in charge of the family and I made some money so who knows I guess that's not important to me right now anyway. I guess I need to except this  is that what your doing?  Have you got a special way of dealing with grief?

No way really. 
I lost grandparents, aunt and uncle but I was young so it didn't really affect me. This is something completely different.
I try to plan a couple of things to do for the day like change the bed sheets empty dishwasher take out recycling, if it doesn't get done no fuss. I watch tv a lot I've just started watching the flash again. Far too much online shopping. I have my crafty bits but I dont do it every day, I've ordered some puzzles today. I'm going to see my work friends tomorrow for a change of scene. 

I can't do this  The mornings are killing me my flight or fight is what's wrong with me I'm worrying  to the point where I freak out but I remember what my wife would say  to me and I can kind of keep it together I had this crazy dream to but I was at a train station obviously waiting for my wife to turn up but the train came and she never did and I had to make my own way home soo sad i'm not getting any better I know I'm not

Have you talked to your GP? I spoke to mine yesterday she gave me some diazepam to help with the anxiety attacks when I feel like I can't stop crying, she told me to take one at night to help with sleep and I can take them during the day to help me if I get bad. It took a while to get to sleep but I feel calm and in control right now I only took one last night. 
Have you looked at cruse bereavement also? You can talk to them on the phone or a like a text chat thing might be helpful. 
 

I had a dream the other night that Lewis was at home and making a mess and I was like since you've been gone the  flat has been so much tidier! It was a funny dream. 

Yes spoke to Dr wanted any tablets and I wanna stay alert for the children so not sure on sleeping tablets ? Maybe something to calm my nerves might help?  Will look at 

 counselling 

glad you had a lovely dream 

Have you heard of rescue remedy it's a herbal thing but people say it helps. I bought some sleep spray it's like lavender and other nice smells that just smell nice on the pillows. 

No I've not heard of them I do use kalms  it's A herbal tablet works ok  i'll try and find some sleep spray