Im sorry your feeling down  I do just the same hoover look after my boys  and all that them I'm my words get hit by a train! Because dead means gone forever  in the way we are used to. Back to you holiday in Devon  very nice  his first holiday since being a kid  and he was with the person he really loved  (you ) you made him happy you were his life. The really hard part is now  (same stage as me)  how do we move on  I expected the thought of going to Devon now is F that!  I'm the same with Weymouth or Florida f that  but In time I will go back  my wife would want me to  and look at the sea and remember good times  and laugh   I guess for now it's one day at a time 

Yes for Christmas his brother said he is going to take the whole family to Devon and rent a massive house, if I can't get the time off to go I'm not too worried about it, but I would like to go and just be by the sea. I don't think going to Southend just to hear the waves is an essential journey right now although it sounds like a good thing. 
it was a nice holiday in Devon his mum and brother were there too and we spent every day together so it was nice for them that they had that time looking back. 
lewis never liked the heat but I do so I think I could go to Spain or some all inclusive thing and just sit in the sun for abit, would have to get my passport renewed and obviously covid is in the way.

thank you for checking in on me, I really appreciate it

All-inclusive You go girl I hope in time nothing stops you (or me)  we can do this  long road ahead of us. We loved the sun  very much  when the sun is out I will that's my girl up in the sky so bright.  I live  in Southampton so very close to the sea find Comfort being  at the sea side  I'm here as long as you  need me  this site really helps me  and I can honestly say even though I have never met anyone one here  I will always class them as my true friend most of my real mate s are know were near as good as you lot  o hope I've made friends for life

I don't much like flying, I've only left the UK twice by plane so we will see how it goes, at least I've got time before any of that is a reality anyway. 
I've been talking to people on the site widowed and young (WAY) they had a zoom meet up yesterday so many people at different stages it will be nice when we're out of lockdown and can meet as they do meals out and stuff, I love going out to eat I really miss it. They have loads of Facebook groups for things too, I've joined a photography one, Lewis was teaching me how to take good photos and he got me a fancy camera for Christmas a couple of years ago.  
most of my friends are nurses so it will be nice to have friends that don't talk about work all the time. 

I may look into that  Facebook page  I'm not good at meating people I'm very shy now feeling good today  my wife was my everything now gone she was the only women to ever truly love me 

I'm very shy too, I hate meeting new people. I met Lewis on plenty of fish on a swiping bit like tinder I was on the wine after being with a friend and bitching about men as my ex had been cheating on me and her had cheated on her too, I swiped on his picture and he saved my picture to try and find my profile, he did and we met up a few weeks later.
I have to take pictures of Lewis' guitars today as he is having a custom made coffin! Not a sentence I'd ever thought I would type, but it's going to have pictures of all his guitars on which is nice, I need to write down songs too I don't know if there will be a limit to how many is allowed, and get some pictures. 
My nephew tested positive for covid on a routine screening at school on Friday when I was at my mums for tea and I sat next to my nephew so guess who's isolating for 10 days! Joy 

Well done for going on plenty of fish that took guts  good luck in sorting out songs I was allowed four  I'm really having a hard day my life will never be the same  I guess looking forward  way to fast  looking after the kids seems so hard   ! Want my wing man back 

Yes I imagine children as well is hard as you don't have just yourself to think about, but it probably helps as you have something to focus on and in a way she is still with you in your children. I'm sure she is keeping a close eye on them and you. 
 

Children  are really good distraction but it's also hard work As theydon't have a mummy anymore very hard question hope you had a good day