Sorry for your loss

I lost my fiancé 5 weeks after diagnosis of metastatic pancreatic cancer, he was 37. 
 

Talking does help while it makes me upset initially I feel better for it. 
 

it might be nice to get some memory bears made using your wife's clothing for the children? It's something I plan to do, I've ordered a key ring for me and his mum with his handwriting on from birthday cards he sent me. 
 

memory jars sound lovely print off pictures of her favourite perfume would be nice. 

Hello thank you very much for having the time  to read my message and just send me a text I'm also sorry for your loss memory bears Sounds a good idea like the sound of that! It's so hard To grieve and look after the boys I just have to do my best and hope my wife is Proud of everything I'm doing  even if that all it seems to be is crying at the moment . I know it's a really stupid question but are you coping okay it's so hard to loose your lover best friend your everything so fast  that's what I'm struggling on with at The moment  x

 Just done more pictures for the funeral it feels good now it's done but the pain  of which one do you pic  not good at all very hard   

I can imagine, we have so many pictures, Lewis loved photography so he has so many files of photos. 

Hi hope your ok  we were aloud for songs at funeral ! Today was a horrible day my  9 year old is  not at school with  lockdown  so I'm having to  teach him  took nearly all day to sort out my wife password s for home schooling  very hard day just shows how much I need my wife 

Yes I can imagine home schooling is hard especially if your wife sorted all of those things. I worry about things that Lewis would do too like my car which is nearly 11 years old or if something breaks, I'm quite handy and can do things but if something happens I'm stuck. I do have a good landlord who gets things fixed pretty quickly though. 
 

I had my first covid jab today being frontline staff, I went to see the work girls for abit which was nice and then ordered myself a Chinese for dinner which was delicious.

hopefully tomorrow will be easier for you for the home schooling.  

Chinese dinner good for you  and you got a COVID jab  sound like you have been busy today with always help s do you work in a hospital? Having a good landlord will help you to   You seem to be getting stronger 

Yes I work in a specialist burns intensive care unit in the NHS, I'm off at the moment but good to get this done so I will feel safer when I got back to work. 
 

stronger I hope

Omg what a job well done you  you are a hero  for so  many other people

I suppose, maybe why I am coping in some sense of the word as I could understand what was happening to Lewis and I could see the deterioration. I am still heartbroken that he's gone but me and his family were able to be with him he was in no pain and he went in his sleep as he wanted, there are so many people who are losing people and not having the chance to see them and say goodbye. 

That's a good way of thinking about it all  in time I guess I might be able to think that way   I just don't want this new life I have no way 

Probably my experience as a nurse gives me an understanding that the general public don't, but I understand I totally don't want this life either but when I think I would not want Lewis back if it meant him going through endless treatment scans poking and prodding I would want him like he was at the beginning of last year but he still might of had the cancer then, usually there is no signs of pancreatic until it's spread which is why it's so hard to diagnose and treat.  
 

I am looking for a deloreon with a fully functioning flux capacitor if you hear of any let me know

Probably my experience as a nurse gives me an understanding that the general public don't, but I understand I totally don't want this life either but when I think I would not want Lewis back if it meant him going through endless treatment scans poking and prodding I would want him like he was at the beginning of last year but he still might of had the cancer then, usually there is no signs of pancreatic until it's spread which is why it's so hard to diagnose and treat.  
 

I am looking for a deloreon with a fully functioning flux capacitor if you hear of any let me know

If your going back in time can you drop me off please 

Hi today I wrote a letter to my wife feel good now  will try and read it at funeral for her hope your ok  

South Wales and we have been in lockdown weeks and weeks 

I am glad you managed the letter 

I wrote my wife a letter today  and feel better for writing it on paper I will try and read  it at her funeral  hope your still feeling strong 

This is the first week back in lockdown here  hard to get used to in the March lockdown last year  I was still working in the docks  we were classed as frontline workers and the wife would do the home schooling  but not it's me doing  everything  I will understand when she said I wish I could have an adult to talk to when I'm at work now I'm like that every day 

This is the first week in lockdown here hard to get used to it back in March of last year I was working in the docks classed as a frontline worker and my wife would look after the children and homeschool them but now she has gone and it's just me my poor children I will try my best for them 

I am sure you will do a great job 

I'm here if you need to talk 

Thanks Chris , me too . It's a vile disease