For 36 years ive been his little girl! His baby!

For 36 years he has been my hero, my first love, my greatest supporter, my best friend and my favourite person in the whole world! I cannot get my head around the fact that i will never see his face again, hear his voice, his silly dad jokes and his sarcasm. 

My dad ... how that hurts. Im not even sure how i will get through his funeral next week. 

I cant get his deteriation out of my head! The strongest, proudest man. A shadow of his former self - skin and bone. needed help to sip water.  Alll so devestating.

Got me thinking .... im terrified of my own children having to cope with something like this in the future.with myself or their dad. Life is cruel.

And now my dad is all alone in the funeral home awaiting the funeral. i cannot visit - i am not strong enough and even if i were im not sure covid restrictions allow.

How do you go on, i dont feel i can enjoy anything again - without him i dont see its appropriate or possible