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My Grandad is Dying

akd_246
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I am 21 and up until now, I have been lucky enough to never have to experience the death of a close friend or a loved one. I have two sisters and we have been raised by a single mother, with the help of our grandparents who have been more like my second parents. They are amazing and we have such a special bond. My grandad has been my father figure as well as being my grandfather, and our relationship is amazing, which makes his terminal diagnosis that much harder to digest. He has cancer throughout his body; his prostate, his colon, his liver, and as we have found out today, it's also in his bones. There is nothing that can be done to help him because his cancer has progressed so rapidly which we expected, but the devastation of having it confirmed by a doctor has really hit home. We don't know how much longer he will be here for but it isn't likely to be longer than 2/3 weeks - if that. As a result, I am really struggling to come to terms with everything, as ridiculous as it sounds. I know he is still here and I am definitely making the most of our remaining time together, but I am not coping well with the news. I can't imagine my life without him and his stories. I am trying so hard to remain strong for my nan and for the rest of my family but I am really not dealign with this news well. 

 

Thankfully I have an amazing group of friends surrounding me who will undoubtedly provide as much support as I need, but even then I just feel so alone. I feel bad if I keep messaging them about my worries because, as I have said above, he is still here at this current moment, and a lot of them have lost a grandparent in recent years. I don't know where I am going with this post but I just feel really alone, and I am so frightened of losing him. I don't see how I am going to be able to live without him.

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    Hi there, 

    I just read your story and it was very similar to mine, but instead of my grandad, it was my nan. I know how hard it can be to lose a grandparent to terminal cancer, and I was also very close with my Nan. I am so sorry that you are going through this, losing a grandparent when you are very close to them is so devastating.

     

    What you are experiencing now is anticipatory grief and it is very common. For me, it was the hardest part of the grieving process by far, but again everyone processes grief differently. I was mourning the loss of her before she passed, but I was also mourning the loss of her not being at my future events e.g graduation, wedding... When she was passed, I was devastated but relieved that she was no longer in pain.

     

    It felt hard to imagine what my life would be without my Nan because apart from her cancer, she was in her 60's and quite fit, and it just didn't seem fair. I am now just over a year on from my Nan passing, and whilst I miss her, it no longer is so raw. 

     

    In the last few weeks, before my Nan passed, I wrote down lists of questions that I wanted to ask her. I asked her about her childhood, her friends, what it was like raising kids, about my older generation of relatives. Which, if your grandad is comfortable sharing with you and is able to do so, it's nice to be able to ask questions. 

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    Hi, I have sent you a friend request.

     

    I am in a similar position to you. 
     

    my Grandad has also had a cancer diagnosis - which came as a huge shock. Tonight his lung cancer has been graded as a stage 3. I am beyond devestated. Like yourself, I was raised by a single mother, and my Grandad has always been like a dad to me, which makes his diagnosis that much harder to digest. 
     

     

    my heart goes out to you and your family. Take care xxx

  • Offline in reply to T16d4wn

    Hi, I've just accepted the request now.

    Unfortunately, my grandad passed away on Monday evening. My family and I are in absolute bits but if you ever need anyone to chat to, I'm only a message away.

    You take care too xx

  • Offline in reply to FunkyBoots

    I forgot to reply earlier, but my grandad shared so many interesting stories about his life with us in his last few days. I think a lot of my worries from the original post stem from the fact he and I had spoken about my graduation, wedding, etc (I was supposed to graduate in July 2020 so it's bittersweet because he will not physically be there on my graduation day.)

    We spent his last few days as a family unit, and he sadly passed away on Monday 30th November surrounded by so much love. It was so peaceful, and the perfect end for such an incredible man. It's still so raw and yes, I know he is out of pain now, but it doesn't change the level of grief that I am feeling. I am really struggling, and I know this will be the case until his funeral is over and done with.

    Thank you for your original reply, it really helped.

     

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    I love my Grandad so much, he has spent his whole life loving and raising me. He has always put everyone else first he is my hero! And now he is dying with cancer, all alone in a hospice. I am so incredibly devastated, the pain is physical. I cant stop it! I would do anything to.save this amazing man from a cruel ending. 

    I love you granda x I love you so much gramps. 

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