Hi sorry your in the same position, I lost my husband in May this year after an eight week battle with a brain tumour and the day before our twin boys first birthday. I totally get where you are coming from, I think night times are particularly hard as it's the absent physical prescence even more so and your time you would normally had together. I am only six months in and it's an emotional rollercoaster, but write down three good things you are thankful for I find this helps, I also write to my husband and this really helps to pour everything out, the future I feel has been taken away and I still struggle to accept this. I find the way group very good as well as there are people in similar situations you can talk to. Sending love x