I don't even really quite know why im posting here, but we said our final farewell to my mum today. In December 2018 she was told she had bowel cancer which unfortunately by the time it was removed was found to be anal cancer which we'd never even heard of. 
My mum originally only went and got looked at because of a Facebook post she'd seen with symptoms and from the moment the word cancer was said she'd never accepted it. She was a fighter and that was her own way of beating it by just completely denying all knowledge of having it. 
Nothing was ever straight forward, in and out of hospitals endless tests, in the end mum wasn't who I remember her being, then a couple of weeks ago during half term I was away and I got the phone call no one wants and that was it she was gone, we never got to say goodbye it wasn't expected but due to a emergency there was nothing that could save my mum but I know she is now at peace. 
I've been reading stories and comments on this page about grief, loss, not being able to say goodbye and even people with the same cancer and every single one I've read has helped me realise I feel so relieved that there is no longer a constant worry and most importantly shes no longer on pain and she can rest.

She was so brave and so strong right until the end. A idol. It's now mine and my families turn to be.

My mum enjoyed only 49 years on this earth and I was lucky to spend 31 years of them with her and I'll never forget all of our memories good and bad.