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Life without mum

bowlerm
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I don't usually post stuff but I feel today is different.

Since my mums death I struggle at times, all that comes out is anger, frustration and tears.

I feel like some days my life is on a downward spiral I have a very demanding job and family.

I can't cry unless I see something sad on the telly and I still feel I bury my feelings all the time cause my wife is a really strong person but seems to just cope with what ever life throws at her.

I really do try my best but that doesn't seem good enough for anyone any more.

I have no confidence but people constantly tell me there happy with me so I find it hard to understand why I feel like this.

My sister has really struggled and my dad tells me hes coping fine but I know hes not.

I was so strong the beginning but now I seem a mess. 

 

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    I know exactly what you mean. Lost both my parents in the last two years. All the time I just want to scream as loud as I can and never stop...it's what I feel I do on the inside anyway.

    Do you practice self-care? Maybe try doing a little something you enjoy or that relaxes you.

    I have also found the advice to take it one moment at a time useful.

    Like you, I feel like my existence is just spinning out. I need help, probably....but in some ways I don't want it because it won't bring them back to me.

    Feel free to write me all you want. I know that hole in one's soul feeling...

  • Offline in reply to toil.and.tears

    I too lost my dad in 2016, and my mum 4 weeks ago, I feel anchor less. I recovered from the loss of my dad, I do hold happy thoughts in my head. I'm finding this a real challenge. I feel scared, and I don't know why. Like I want to run but I have nowhere to run to, I think lock down makes it worse. Hope you both are ok too, it was comforting to know, you know how I feel. But I am deeply sorry you are in this club nobody wants to join

  • Offline in reply to April59

    I am so sorry, April. Yes, I feel anchorless and scared, too. I think the fear comes from feeling like who am I now? I was their daughter since I was born. My whole life until I lost them I was their daughter. Now they're gone, who am I? And I feel very lonely without them. I know not everyone is lucky enough to experience unconditional love from her parents, but I did for the most part. I miss turning to them for support. In fact, I broke my own heart the other day when I was upset about losing my mom and thought before I realized what I was thinking: "You know who would cheer me up? My mom."

     

    This kind of grief is a lonely, painful road. Thanks for reaching out. It does help to know others know what we are going through.

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