Hi everyone , it's been a while since I last posted something on here. 
 

it's been a year now since my wonderful father has passed away ; today is his birthday. 
it still doesn't seem real- in which I get told is rather normal . 
the only way I can describe it is as if this life that I'm living isn't actually the real one - as if I'm in some sort of game. 
almost as if I don't even miss my dad because I feel as if he's still here and as if I have literally seen him earlier on today. 
 

I have got to physically sit down and pick everything piece by piece to then actually realise that this has happened and that my dad is no longer here. 
 

I have a lot of questions , that I am so desperate to ask him- even the smallest and silliest of things. 
I sometimes hate myself for feeling like this and believe that I should be more upset and etc. 
 

I would do and give absolutely anything and everything for my dad to be here alive and healthy. Life is so cruel . 
 

this chat has really helped me over the last couple of years. so I thank those that have contributed to that. 
 

do any of you know of any books about grief / loss that may help me understand my thought process ? Or any books for that matter. 
 

hope you're all okay and keeping safe 

best wishes 

x