Oh AnonymousT,

Bless you.  I am so sorry to hear about your Dad.

The first death that we all experience is always a traumatic event, but it must be all the more so when it was your Dad.

I always remember seeing my first corpse when I was only 9. My great uncle had died. He was someone who we saw every day in life and we were very close to him. We arrived at the house and my great-aunt ushered us in to see him, as she told us how well he looked. I got such a shock that I took a deep breadth and I felt as if I didn't exhale until we left the house over an hour later. That memory has always remained with me, although I have since seen many close relatives after they've passed.

This must have come as quite a shock to you, when you are only 15. You were very brave to do it and, you may look back in years to come and be glad that you did it. Funerals are never very pleasant, but they can be very strange at the moment due to the Covid pandemic and restrictions in numbers. This may make it easier for you, as there will only be close family at the funeral.

It does seem so unfair to have lost your Dad at such a young age. This will be a very traumatic time for you and, I'm not at all surprised that you are having difficulty trying to process it all. Do you have any siblings, or is it just you and your Mum that are left? She will need your support too, as you will need hers.

Do you have a nice photo of your Dad? I put one of my Mum up after she died and, although that was 21 years ago now, I still chat to her at times and find this very comforting. It is still early days, but if you continue to have problems with all that has happened, try to see a grief counsellor. Many charities offer this service free of charge, although there can be quite a wait to get seen.

You mention special life events, such as your wedding and grandchildren that your Dad will never see. If you believe in heaven now, try to think of your Dad looking over you from on high, protecting you and walking by your side in life. Do your best to achieve all the things that he wanted you to do in life and, do your best to make him proud in whatever you do.

We are always here for you any time you want to chat.

Jolamine xx

Thankyou so much for replying!and I know how you feel,seeing the body was probably the worst thing I could do at this age I regret it but I had to say goodbye face to face one last time.I'm not looking forward to the funeral at all as I'm embarrassed to cry infront of people because throughout my dad being ill and dying I've barely ever cried infront of anyone other then when he did die,but I have my best friend coming with me who also knew him for over 7 years which will be a great comfort.I have my mum,brother and sister and I try hard to be strong for them,me and my brother don't let out much emotion but my sister does so we have to be there for her.I have a lovely photo of me and my dad,it sits on my windowsill along with some others.my school has let me talk to a counsellor there but I feel stupid as I've never done anything like it before,never told a complete stranger much about my life but I guess it will help in the long run.and I try my hardest to beleive in heaven it makes me feel a lot better and I talk to him sometimes in the morning and at night or ask him how he is and if he's with grandad or met any new family and that I love him,I just home he genuinely hears me. Thankyou so much for replying you've helped a lot and I'm always here for you even if I'm just a 15 year old lol I appreciate all you've said xx

Hi there,

I'm glad that what I said helped you, if only in a small way. Don't feel embarrassed about crying at the funeral. Many adults cry at funerals. Just take a good supply of paper hankies with you. Crying is actually good for you, as it is in some ways a release valve for all that pent up emotion that you're feeling. If you try to bottle up your emotions, they'll eventually explode and, you don't want to let that happen.

I am glad to hear that you have a nice photo of your Dad already. Talk to it whenever you need to - I still talk to my Mum after 21 years. I know just what you mean about revealing all your personal feelings to a stranger. It is a very odd concept when you've never done this before, but it should help you in the long term. I have found that it helps to have some rapport with your counsellor. Sometimes if that's not there, you may feel that you are getting nowhere. If this happens, don't be afraid to say so and to see someone else, who you might gel with a bit better.

I am not particularly religious. I don't attend church, but I do believe in a life after death and that is what has got me through my parents deaths. Don't be afraid to talk about him at home, not just with sadness, but with love, laughter and memories of happier times. There are many people in this world who have never had a family life, or even a happy life. You were fortunate to have a Dad who loved you unreservedly and who you loved too. This makes you blessed in so many ways.

You do not say when the funeral is, but I am glad to hear that your best friend is going with you. Is it going to be a cremation or a burial?

You will probably be sitting at the front with your family, so you can dab your eyes without anyone noticing - even if they do, don't worry about it, as we're all perfectly entitled to cry at a loved one's funeral.

Thinking of you and doing my best to send you virtual hugs and the strength to see this through.

Jolamine xx