Hi Chris

thanks for responding to my post. It's helpful to know that others understand, I'm so sorry that you are going through this too. 
As you say we've got to think of our children but I can't help but think that they have their own lives and I don't want to be a burden to them. I try to be positive and upbeat when with them even though I don't feel it. You get used to putting a mask, both real and virtual, on. 

Hello June

thank you for your kind message, you are right about this 'new life'. I just want my old life back it was wonderful and i realised that while I was living it. I just miss my husband so much every second of every day. It doesn't get any easier, I suppose it never will

Amanda

Hi Petanda,

That is exactly how I feel. I very rarely cry in front of my kids, not that i'm ashamed of it, but I try and do my crying when I'm on my own. But I think if I don't feel that pain then perhaps I will be starting to feel 'normal'.  And I don't want to be like that, I want to feel some pain.

Sometimes I find it hard to communicate what I feel and I don't want to upset people.

So how are you coping are you just living day to day? I honestly don't feel any different to day one and I think this grief is something you carry with you. Have you read any books, and have you seen a bereavement counsellor? 

Thanks for replying

Chris

Hi Chris

I haven't had any counselling, I don't know if it would be of any benefit as it can't change what's happened. 
I have read The Grief Book and Widow to Widow and found them both useful. I have also read an article in Good Housekeeping by Dr Edith Eger, a survivor of Auschwitz, which was inspiring. Her life lessons are very insightful especially about dealing with grief. 
I think we are all living day to day at the moment so I don't feel that I'm any different to anyone else. Everyone seems to be struggling with something. 
I am realising that this grief will be something I will always live with and I am starting to accept this. 
Thank you for taking an interest in my situation and it does help to talk to others who are also going through this

Amanda

Hello

i have that feeling of dread in my stomach too. My husband died on 30 September a year after his diagnosis with oesophageal cancer. I just can't get my head round that this is life forever. I think I am ok and then suddenly I'm sobbing. He was 73 and we were married almost 54 years. He died at home with me and our children here but that last few weeks is a blur and I keep trying to remember if we talked and what we said. The thing that gets me up in the morning is the need to take my dog out. I am grateful for that.