I so feel for you all. I lost my husband in june this year and i feel totally lost and alone. My son and daughter dont live at home so its quiet and lonely. A simlar thing happened wi my husband kept going to drs and giving him Antibiotics for chest infection so by time they found out he had cancer it had already spread. Its horrendous. We could have 2 people at hospice and my daughter who is a nurse was marvelous. Hope when your kids go back to school it helps them get back into a routine and seeing all their friends might help alittle. Sounds like you are a great dad and will always be there for them growing up. We have no option but to keep going no matter how hard it is. 

Take care

Hi all. I lost my wife in July 2020. she was under a cancer specailist due to her having nodules on her lung and chest. they decided because of my wifes health the said the nodules which were cancerous were to small to do biopsies. this was on going for two years. yes they were still growing so we asked if they took the first MRI scan and compared it to the most recent then the difference in growth would be greater, than putting up against the most recent. We knew something was not quite right when our GP said to my wife if she wanted a DNR certificate, should the worse happen, and they revived her, she could just be in a vegitive state, those were our doctors words he used.

In 2014 my wife was having bowel problems. so went for invetigation  camera. we went to find out the results. the hospital said had my wife not been seen when she did, the conversation would be of a different kind. apparently the wife had a very large polyp which was blocking her up. the polyp had cancer cells in it. but they had cut the polyp away along with the cancer.

So back to last year the wife was complaining that she was having bowel problems, she was given laxatives and pain killers. she was still suffering in pain so rang the GP up again. this was mid covid19, and they very rarely did face to face appointments. they gave her stronger pain killers, and told her to take paracetamol also. it got so bad she was taking 16 pain killers a day and night. Still no face to face appointment. and I asked is my wife going to have to be at deaths door before she can see a GP. this was over a period of five months. Then in May she was screaming the house down , she said she tried to use her leg to push herself up the bed to sit up and heard a snap. now one of my wife's illnesses was brittle bones. she had to go to hospital alone. no one was allowed as the hospital was in lockdown. turned out she had a break in her thigh bone.  and a dislodged hip joint. She was given an MRI scan and discovered she had aggressive bowel cancer. and we were told away from my wife she had two months at the most. she had to go to a hospice  until we got a hospital bed brought home. we cared for her till she passed away. I was so devistated and so angry to blame someone. had they seen my wife 5 months earlier. she may have had a chance, who knows.

Its coming up to 10 months since her passing. my daughter has her own grandchildren, and my lad has a girlfriend who he often stays with. so a majority of the time I'm all alone. the night times are worse for me. I can not get passed the pain and agony my wife went through. My alone time is always rembering her passing and that's when I have my breakdown and cry moments. I had my own secret I kept from my wife, I had been diagnosed with liver cancer. and when I told my wife just seconds before she passed away. she smiled at me. because I said I wont be long joining her. I was kind of glad  that I will be joining her soon enough. I know where I am as regards to what options are left for me. I recently recieved a letter informing me that due to the covid19 there are close to ten thousand waiting to be seen on there list. a lot can happen in that time. Having been married nearly 34 years. yes she drove me nuts at times but I still loved her, and I miss her companionship friendship and cuddles. I miss her so much. as all those on this thread miss there loved ones too.. I know you'll understand my plight as you all have been through it. and I hope you all get peace of mind. it does get easier as time goes by, but we'll never ever forget our lost love ones. wish you all well for the future. best whishes to you all. 

Hi, Just read your post so sorry for your loss and the way your poor wife suffered it is unreal. Its horrific. Im 10 months down this lonely path too and it is worse on an evening when ya sat alone. We was married 37 years together from teenagers, did everything today there is no words to describe it,

i really hope they hurry up and get you sorted for your illness, its another worry you could have done without has if you haven't had enough stress, 

Take care

Debbie

Thanks for your reply Debbie. I sent you a friend request. as your 10 months down the line you'll know and understand why not everything I'm going through I want to air on the forum.

kind regards Bob.

Hi owen1967

Like yourself my kids are 22 and 30 years old. my wife died 6 weeks after it was diagnosed in May 2020. it was the hieght of covid19. and our GP practice would not do face to face meets, All they said  was to increase pain relief. every other day it was the same thing, we would ring for a call out, but due to covid19 it was not possible. it got to the point were she was taking 16 pain killers during the day and evening..

Then came that conversation with the hospital MacMillan nurses after it was found she had bowel cancer. She went to a hospice while we had a hospital bed brought to the house. we looked after her till the end. I was angry annoyed, But in all honesty as time has gone by. I don't think had it been spotted a few moths earlier. there wasn't anything that could be done. Even 13 months on  I still cry, not the fact she died but it must have been like she was living in hell for the last 6 weeks.

It feels like it's the end of your world, and like you owen you do carry on for the sake of your children. I now live on my own so often become upset. I was diagnosed with liver cancer begining of January 2020. I know whats coming my way, I'm at ease with this as I believe I will be with my wife once again.34 years we were married. and I have told my kids be happy when I'm gone. live there own life. I have three wishes  I came into this world naked and thats how I want to leave, a photo of my wife , and have my ashes scattered the same place as my wife's