Hello, recently a member of my family, someone extremely close to me was diagnosed with secondary cancer during the pandemic and was told she could undergo chemo but only to slow the process down as there was not much they could really do and that she may live around a year or two. Her sibling also has cancer and he's having radio therapy but he's now unable to walk from the detearioration of the muscles around the cancer. On top of that I recently lost a couple other family member and know two people who have been taken by the COVID-19 situation. 
 

at the moment I'm worried because I actually haven't shed one tear since finding out any of these different bits of news, it's at the point where I listen to sad songs at night to try push the tears out so I don't have a complete blow up at a time which would be very inconvenient or breakdown at the slightest thing because it's a trigger.

i wanted to know if there something wrong, why haven't i cried or actually reacted at all. It didn't make me sad, angry. Instead it made me numb and pretty much feel the same as I've always had? It's a little scary really how normal I feel. Is this a really bad thing because everyone around me thinks I'm pushing it down but it's like there was nothing to push down in the first place anyways so I don't know what to think anymore. Please help