I am so sorry for your loss, my mum died two days ago and it's the most unbearable pain ever. 

It's almost the anniversary of my dad dying too so that makes it so much harder. 

My mum was my best friend and I would tell her everything but now there is this great big hole where she was and i'm not sure how i will be able to get through it. 

I want my mum and if you ever need a chat then i am more than happy to listen xx

Oh I am so sorry for you too. Yes she was my best friend and I talked to her multiple times a day. It's so painful isn't it, do you have any idea when your lovely mums funeral may be?

Muns is Friday 28th next week Sbd I am going to try to read a poem called cone with me by Rhonda Braswell but not sure I will be able to as it's beautiful but fitting for all our circumstances I should imagine. 

It's  lovely to speak to Soneone who is going through this awful thing too And I am more than happy to chat anytime. 
 

I know it feels like this is the biggest hole ever and I agree how do we get through it? I found her voicemails on my phone and I liyened to them as I miss her voice but I knew it wasn't right as nade things worse  I suppose. 
 

Were you eith your lovely mum? I am so sorry, I really wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy and here to talk anytime. 
xxxxxx

I know exactly how you feel. I lost my Mum to sarcoma at the end of April. I don't think it has really become easier yet. I don't cry all day or anything but I can't stop thinking about her. Both me and my brother aren't married and I feel so bad as she really wanted to be there for that and also see her grandchildren. She was an amazing loving woman always there for us. My dad is coping, but he's quite difficult and it's not the same type of relationship with him. I live in the US but can't leave here until we figure out a solution for my dad. I am totally trapped and that is very hard too. 

What to do? There is no answer. I do feel these forums help though. I find that some friends are continuing to be there and have been amazing. Others just move on or don't know what to say or do after a while. The forums help as there are others in the same place to share thoughts with. 

I also watch some iphone videos of my mum regularly and listen to a couple of voicemails that I have. I wish I had more. 

I really do feel traumatized by all of this. She deteriorated and passed away so quickly. Completely healthy one year prior.

Love to all 

R xx

I am sorry for your loss. It's hard and yes not having a close relationship with the other parent makes it more difficult. 
Like you say every day I have become abit obsessive about thinking about her, I wake up thinking about her and I am just so sad all the time. It's good to talk you people like you that get it for sure. 
the funeral is next Friday aNd I am dreading it as I just don't know how it will be. I was lucky in that she knew my 2 children and did so much for them, I have no one like that now and she is sorely missed by them too. 
I see no light at the end of the tunnel but I guess not even been 2 weeks yet but my life will be the worst now without her in it and sonething I will never get used to I am sure. 
I really hope you get your nice etc sorted and you csn feel less trapped. X

I totally understand. Your poor children as well. Weirdly I think the first two weeks after I was ok - I was just relieved that it was over and that she wasn't suffering. It was so hard on us too to have her home unable to do anything and see her like that. I was very tired too - having just arrived from California so jet lagged and then around the clock. The cremation my dad and his friend organized it. It was fine but only 9 people could attend due to the virus. I've decided when it is safe to gather people again I will organize a party at one her favorite restaurants for all our friends. She loved good food so I think that will be nice. 

It's after that that the loss really started to sink in and then each day that went by I missed her more and more. And now I think about her constantly.  

It's very early days for you yet but one thing I have found helps is new activities. I have taken up playing tennis and chess. I know it may not be as easy for you with two kids but something new that you enjoy will give you something to look forward to and take your mind off her periodically. 

You will dream about her and it will feel like you are together again. Whenever I see my Mum in my dreams she is happy, healthy and laughing. 

All my love X

I know, I feel the same way thinking she will be in touch soon. Even though I lived far away we would text constantly and facetime daily. She would always wish me good morning and good night, even with the 8 hour time difference. 

I don't know if that desperation for contact will ever go away. Some people have said that we can have conversations in our head with them as we know what they will say. I've tried it once or twice but it just makes me sad and teary. 

I'm sure the wake will be lovely. Everyone is different but I got through it by not giving it too much importance - it was so hard in COVID times to make it perfect and most of her close friends couldn't even attend (in their late 60s and 70s so extra strict virus shielding). We had many people join remotely as the crematorium had organized a live stream. I almost felt like I could never condense every wonderful thing about my mum into a 30 minute good bye so why even try. I felt strangely detached from it. Even when I saw my mum at the viewing I felt it wasn't her. She looked so different, so frail so weak and tiny.

I think if we are able to do the party I will put all my effort into that and make it more of a celebration than a farewell. 

This is so hard for all of us. I do hope we find peace. I wonder what lessons we are being taught and I hope they are worth it. One of the things people say on this forum helps me - that we are lucky to have had such special mothers that we feel this way. Some people never experience that. 

Love R

X