Please forgive me if this doesn't really feel like a cancer chat kind of post, but I feel like I am losing my marbles!

My beloved husband of 30 years, Steve, died of cancer on 25th November 2018, 15 months after diagnosis.  The first 12 months of widowhood were hell on earth but I came through them.  On the anniversary of his death I made a life changing decision to honour our retirement plans to move to the country.  So I put my house on the market and moved to a little village in Cumbria on 1st April 2020 - just as we went into lockdown.  Not the easiest time for anyone I know, but particularly challenging for me as I didn't know anyone here and I couldn't get out to meet anyone.  Just prior to that I met, and feel very much in love with, a new man online and we quickly (far too quickly) became involved when I moved - he's based up here.  The relationship didn't last but we are still in contact and still friends of sorts. 

Bear with me.... I am getting to the point...:happy:

The problem is I feel like I have been bereaved all over again.  The pain of this lost relationship is really beginning to affect my mental well being and I am worried I am becoming obsessed with him and depressed in general.

Has anyone else been through something similar - i.e. a really intense "first" relationship after bereavement that didn't work out and how did you cope?

Thanks in advance